The prosecution: Will
Sasha is weaponising gender to lumber me with all the grotty household tasks
My sister Sasha and I live at our family home without our parents, as they retired and moved abroad about a year ago. Staying in the house we grew up in is cushy, but comes with its own challenges. Sasha and I usually get on fairly well, but without our parents here to mediate, it’s taken us a while to get into a new rhythm.
My concern is that Sasha thinks that I should do certain jobs around the house just because I’m a man. Taking the bins out is a “man’s job”, as is cleaning the bathroom, apparently. I also have to fix or sort out any broken stuff in the home, like the toilet clogging up and putting up a bracket for the TV in her bedroom. I don’t mind too much, but sometimes it feels as though Sasha is weaponising gender to lumber me with all the grotty tasks she doesn’t want to do.
I fundamentally disagree with the bins thing because both of us produce trash and food waste, but she always wants me to sort it. I think it’s because when our dad was here, he used to do the bins. Our mum was responsible for the cooking and also running the household, but he did all the DIY and bin stuff. Sasha wants to replicate the way our parents operated, but we aren’t husband and wife. We’re brother and sister, so why should everything be the same?
She even got annoyed with me once because I couldn’t get rid of a giant spider in the bathroom after she’d called me in to kill it. I actually hate spiders, so I wasn’t much use. Later she expressed disappointment that I wasn’t “brave enough” to sort it myself. She didn’t actually tell me to “man up” but she might as well have!
It should also be noted that I’m her younger brother. Sasha is 28 and I am 26. If anyone should be taking more responsibility around the house it’s the older sibling. Our parents check in and I’ve told them that Sasha expects too much from me, but Mum just told me to look after everything and Dad said that I’m “the man of the house”.
I guess I am, but Sasha could learn some practical skills so I don’t always have to do the lion’s share.
The defence: Sasha
Men are just stronger and they should use those muscles to do things like take the bins out
While Will is a huge help around the house and does the little tasks that I don’t want to do, I’d like to point out that I also do things that he can’t. It’s a case of everyone playing to their strengths.
Now that our parents don’t live with us, we both have to do things that used to be done for us. We have a big house to ourselves in a great part of London, but that also comes with a lot more responsibility. I do all the cooking and cleaning. If I make dinner, I always make some for Will, even though we’re on very different schedules. We’re more like housemates really, but we do see a lot of each other and chat a lot when we’re both in the house.
I definitely pull my weight. If I can’t manage to do the cleaning because of work commitments, I will organise a cleaner to come. I don’t nag Will or ask him to do anything when he’s busy, but I do assign him certain tasks that I don’t like doing. Maybe it’s because our dad used to do them and I just automatically think that Will should pick them up.
Maybe I’m used to seeing men do certain chores because that’s how our parents were, but so what? I can’t use a drill and I’m bad at DIY, whereas Will is quite handy, so it makes sense that he should help me put the TV up or unclog the toilet.
I also do think there are certain jobs that are more suited for men, and others for women. Is that controversial? I don’t think so. Men are just stronger and they should use those muscles to do things like taking the bins out. It’s just how it is. I apologised when I got annoyed at Will for not being not being able to get rid of the spider. I was out of line and forgot that he’s just as useless with them as me.
But when Will says I’m using gender as an excuse to get out of doing horrible jobs, I disagree. He doesn’t say that when I’ve prepared a week’s worth of food for him, unsurprisingly. I don’t think either of us need to change. We just each need to do the jobs we feel comfortable doing and accept that we’re good at different things.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Sasha drop the idea of ‘men’s work’?
Guilty, but only just. There shouldn’t be a gender divide regarding household chores, but it does seem that some assumptions have been made on both sides. They should just have a proper conversation regarding the chores.
Daniel, 39
Sasha should stop pretending she is a girl from the 19th century and learn to look after herself. Will is also guilty, though. Why should Sasha organise a cleaner when she’s away? He can do it. He should learn to cook and clean.
Marcus, 61
These siblings need to grow up; I can almost hear the teenage squabbling. Sasha needs to accept that some jobs are unpleasant and tiresome, but this doesn’t mean she can automatically assign them to her brother. Make a rota for the smelly jobs and be done with it.
Jennifer, 36
Sasha probably shouldn’t assume that some jobs are men’s jobs – but the bigger issue seems to be that Will isn’t doing much of anything. She cooks all your meals, Will. The least you could do is take out the bins!
Lydia, 30
Shaming Will for not being manly enough to kill a spider is not a good look, Sasha. You’re woman enough to be able to handle a drill. Will does sound a bit lazy, though. My advice would be to take it in turns to do every household chore.
Anita, 45
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Sasha adopt a more gender neutral approach to household tasks?
Last week’s result
We asked if John should listen to his partner Lara and buy a permanent water bottle, rather than constantly reuse a plastic one.
80% of you said John is guilty – his arguments is highly disposable
20% of you said John is not guilty – Lara’s argument doesn’t hold water
