Q: You insult someone in an email and accidentally send it to that very person. What now?
Apologize to that person sincerely, ideally in person or on the phone immediately.
Take responsibility for what you said, and express regret.
If the person is emotional or starts venting, try to tolerate it. Doing so may lead you to a more productive place, particularly if you acknowledge his or her feelings with phrases like "I get that" or "I understand." Don't interrupt or try to defend your actions. Eliminate justifications by avoiding the use of "if" or "but."
Thank this person for giving you a chance to apologize. Express your desire to do better in the future.
If it's a co-worker, you might say something like: "I realize that what I emailed was offensive. I was wrong to speak of you like that. It was unprofessional, and I am truly sorry. I will work on being a better colleague."
Learn from your mistake. Don't write anything you wouldn't be proud to sign your name to.
_ Christine Porath, a professor at Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business and author of "Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace"
First, apologize. Say something like, "I am so incredibly sorry for being such a jerk. I am horrified, and I feel terrible."
Next, provide a true explanation.
For example, if you referred to someone's hard work as "complete crap," you could say that while nothing excuses such terrible behavior, you were struggling because of your mother's illness or a recent breakup. If you were bad-mouthing a colleague's approach or output at work, consider explaining what bothered you in mature, honest terms, while still apologizing for your original uncouth delivery.
Explain that your mistake is not aligned with your closely held values _ integrity and kindness, for instance _ and that you're recommitting to those values right now.
Emphasize that your slight, whether a petty insult or a poorly worded critique, was not personal. Depending on how important the relationship is, share a plan for how you'll make sure to be a collaborative co-worker or supportive friend moving forward.
_ Megan Feldman, journalist, inspirational speaker and author of "Triumph of the Heart: Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World"
