Our politicians might bicker about the playground behaviour in the House, but at least they’ve got one, writes James Elliott
Newsroom had its fourth birthday this week, an occasion marked by a number of MPs acting like four year olds. Simon Bridges was thrown out of the House, again, by Speaker Trevor Mallard for asserting that Mallard had made a number of “personal remarks” about National MPs.
This followed National’s Chris Bishop accusing Labour’s Peeni Henare of making a “reow reow” cat sound the day when a female National MP got up to speak, prompting Speaker Mallard to add that he had not heard the “animal noise” at the time.
To give him his due, Speaker Mallard does have previous experience with regard to the detection of animal noises in the House. In May 2019, Speaker Mallard accused then National leader Simon Bridges of making “barnyard noises” which Bridges disputed, prompting Mallard to throw Bridges out of the House. This followed an earlier incident in March of that year when Speaker Mallard apologised to Bridges for calling him a “smart-ass”, presumably because that description was only half right.
Last month it was Bridges apologising to Speaker Mallard, sort of, for possibly calling Speaker Mallard a “twat” (of the rhyming with hat variety). Bridges had thrown himself out of the House in support of other National MPs calling Speaker Mallard, to the ears of some at least, a “twat” as he exited. Bridges later apologised for using “unparliamentary language” but couldn’t recall whether he’d said twat.
The wokest of the woke is a wokeflake who may take on the role of wokesperson for the purposes of wokescolding the woke-thirsty, who are those more interested in appearing woke than actually being woke.
So, some uncertainty as to twat usage but what is more certain is that Bridges is racking up a good number of ejections from the House by Speaker Mallard. However, I think he’s still short of the record 10 ejections between 2008 and 2015 held by none other than Speaker Mallard as he then wasn’t. For example, back when Speaker Mallard was Labour MP Trevor Mallard he was ejected from the House in 2009 for calling Sir John Key, as he then wasn’t, a liar, and he was ejected again in 2011 for calling Prime Minister John Key as he then was, a chicken. It is unclear from Hansard as to whether that chicken allegation was accompanied by any barnyard noises.
When he’s not being thrown or throwing himself out of the House, Simon Bridges is still keeping himself in the headlines. Not long ago Bridges called Police Commissioner Andrew Coster a “wokester” in relation to the policing of gangs. If you’re not familiar with the term “wokester” then let me wokesplain it to you. A wokester is an insult for someone who professes to occupy the moral high ground on social justice issues. A wokester is someone who identifies with the wokeness of other woke folk and is likely involved in woketivism, principally through Woke Twitter. The wokest of the woke is a wokeflake who may take on the role of wokesperson for the purposes of wokescolding the woke-thirsty, who are those more interested in appearing woke than actually being woke.
That’s a 26 percent slump in popularity for Jacinda Ardern in just three months, which probably corresponds to a 26 percent jump in some sector of the housing market over the same period.
Bridges was reprimanded by Judith Collins for his wokester slur and denied that his headline-hunting signalled an interest in regaining the National Party leadership. Based on this week’s political polling, 99 percent of the population share that disinterest. Bridges got just 1 percent in the preferred Prime Minister list, a rating that was doubled by Christopher Luxon on 2 percent. Luxon said he didn’t know why he made the preferred PM list which seems like a fair self-assessment. Given that polls like these have a margin of error of 3 percent it’s possible that all the votes for both Bridges and Luxon were by mistake.
It wasn’t a particularly good preferred PM poll for the Prime Minister either. Preference for her as PM having fallen 15 points since December to 43 percent. Jacinderella appears to have dropped a slipper. That’s a 26 percent slump in popularity for Jacinda Ardern in just three months, which probably corresponds to a 26 percent jump in some sector of the housing market over the same period.
In fact the PM is being haunted by her own statement on November 12 last year when she said that the median house price “just cannot keep increasing at the rate that it is”. Unfortunately she was right, house prices have not kept increasing at the same rate since November 2020, they have been increasing at a faster rate. For the 12 months to October 2020, the average property value went up by $55,834.00 but in the four months since the PM’s Canutish exhortation in November 2020 to February 2021, the average property value went up by $74,388.00.
It seems like the propensity for puerile behaviour in Parliament has increased at a similar rate during the same period. And while our politicians might bicker and snicker about the comings and goings in the House, at least they’ve got one.
Have a peaceful weekend.
