What's the infection rate of Covid misinformation, James Elliott asks, and how many more plagues can we expect?
We’re all in Alert Level 4 lockdown and wondering the same thing: how many days in a row can you wear the same pair of track pants? Some people may be wondering about more important matters but chances are they’re doing that wondering while wearing the same pair of track pants they were wearing on Tuesday.
One of the important matters that people have been wondering about is the Covid Delta variant infection rate. This is the rate at which conspiracy theories and misinformation about the Covid Delta variant and vaccines infect your inbox, newsfeed or timeline. I’ve experienced an exponential infection rate since Tuesday. It started with someone retweeting Hannah Tamaki, the wife of self-appointed self-anointed Apostle Bishop Brian Tamaki. Hannah Tamaki’s tweet advised that she’s not vaccinated and is trusting in the antidote and protection provided by Psalm 91.
If the worldwide vaccine rollout were the Olympics we would be Grenada, with just one bronze medal in the men’s 400m.
This is the public service announcement Psalm that advises that those who place their trust in the Almighty will be protected from not only any plague that comes near your dwelling (which I assume is the Covid protection bit), but you will also be protected from the snare of the fowler (which is a metaphorical bird trap - I know, we don’t have time, it’s not important) and the pestilence that walks in darkness (which I assume is the night walkers in unwashed track pants bit). Not only that you’ll be able to tread upon the lion and the cobra and trample them underfoot. So keep an eye out for the next Destiny Church outing to the zoo, it should be a ripper.
The problem with selective reliance on one line in the Bible about protection from a plague is that there are likely to be other lines in the Bible that strain that selectivity. It turns out that the Bible has quite a lot to say about plagues, some of it somewhat contradictory. In the Old Testament the Almighty is not only the saviour from, but also the sender of, plagues. Lots of plagues.
In Exodus the Almighty sends nine plagues the way of Egypt’s Pharoah: the plague of blood, the plague of frogs, the plague of gnats, the plague on livestock, the plague of boils, the plague of hail, the plague of locusts, the plague of darkness, and the plague on the firstborn. In summary, a plague of plagues.
I put the Book of Revelation down and turned on the TV, just in time to see Billy Te Kahika being arrested at an anti-lockdown protest, which is what happens when you breach lockdown orders in order to protest lockdown orders.
There are fewer plagues in the New Testament, well two fewer plagues anyway. In the Book of Revelation there are seven plagues, the delivery of which is outsourced to seven angels with seven trumpets. I think that’s one trumpet each, not 49 trumpets. In any event these 2.0 plagues are quite a step up from the 1.0 plagues of gnats, frogs, and boils. There’s scorching, darkness and pain, and blood. Lots of blood. I don’t recommend the Book of Revelation as lockdown reading. By the time the fifth angel was forming his embouchure I’d had enough. I put the book down and turned on the TV, just in time to see Billy Te Kahika being arrested at an anti-lockdown protest, which is what happens when you breach lockdown orders in order to protest lockdown orders.
Billy Te Kahika is a one-man plague of Covid misinformation. At least I thought he was until I saw that Vinny Eastwood was also arrested at the same event, the one where you could be arrested for breaching lockdown orders in order to protest lockdown orders. I didn’t know much about Vinny Eastwood. Which turns out to be accurate, there’s not much to know. He’s also a conspiracy theorist, banned from YouTube and you can probably fill in the rest yourself. However in fairness we should probably let Vinny speak for himself and a shout-out and a generous dollop of sanitiser goes to David Farrier and Dylan Reeve for reaching deep into the metaphorical sewer to provide a transcript of Vinny’s last words as he was arrested.
Think Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Think Gerard Butler in 300. Think Churchill in World War II. Now think the opposite of all of that. As the blue line closed in, these were Vinny’s last words: “Everyone please cluster around me. Please protect me please.” Yes, he said “please cluster around me” – you can’t make this stuff up.
And finally on the subject of stuff-ups, the vaccine rollout. If the rollout is too slow, too slow compared with where? As things stand we’re 109th in the world which puts us alongside Romania, Albania and Colombia. Still, it’s hard to get a clear sense of relativity about what that means and where we should be. Put it this way, if the worldwide vaccine rollout were the Olympics we would be Grenada, with just one bronze medal in the men’s 400m.
Stay safe, stay home, and have a peaceful weekend.
