Intimately Beckham, Britney Spears Fantasy, Cliff Richard Miss You Nights. In recent years, many of us will have cast our noses over the celebrity fragrance market and wondered: what could be more intervention-worthy than wanting to smell like someone famous? Happily, we now have the answer. And that is: wanting to smell like someone who desperately wants to be famous.
Shield your eyes and be sure to do a patch test, then, as X Factor Him and X Factor Her make their debut this week, in what is believed to be the first ethanol-based TV talent show tie-in. Counselling is not included.
But in exchange for just £12.99 and your dignity, the Fragrance Store will give you a bottle of the stuff, which they promise will let wearers "be part of the excitement and glamour of becoming a popstar". If imbibed in sufficient quantities.
"Since the talent show phenomenon first launched," says a spokesman, "there has been massive debate about just what constitutes the X factor, and more importantly who has it - and now it's been bottled for everyone."
As for what this olfactory meal ticket smells like, who can say for sure? Lost in Showbiz assumes it will be a punchy distillation of the odour of sweat, crisps and Intimately Beckham that wafts through the audition halls, with the bottle bearing the obligatory disclaimer "WARNING: May not actually contain X Factor."
