Desperate (for cash) housewife: Eva Longoria Parker at last year's Emmy awards. Photograph: Peter Brooker / Rex Features
Would you buy an ice cream from Eva Longoria Parker? I only ask because she's now in a Magnum advert. Do you think she eats a lot of ice cream? And if she does, do you think it's Walls and not some super-dooper gourmet brand - or more likely frozen yoghurt? Can you see her peering into the in-desperate-need-of-defrosting chest freezer in her local newsagent, torn between a Magnum and a Strawberry Mivvi?
I'm thinking not.
Of course, it's all about "brand fit" - or something. (Advertising whizzes, I implore you, to respond and explain). And, that being the case, I suppose Longoria Parker lends a certain something to Magnum ice creams. I'm just not sure what it is or if it's terribly persuasive.
In related news, Girls Aloud and specifically Sarah Harding have been enlisted by Nestle (boo hiss!) to flog some vile mutation of Kit-Kats. Now this is a bit more convincing as I can actually imagine Harding wolfing down a bar of chocolate - most likely to line her stomach a little before a night on the tequila and champagne in London's glittering west end. But wait. Has Harding not been "romantically linked" to Calum Best? She surely has. And does this mean she's fussy about what she puts in her mouth? It surely does not. Is this a ringing endorsement of the deliciousness of Nestle's new product? I don't think so.
So why do corporations and companies persevere with placing celebrities in their adverts? Does it attract consumers? Have you felt yourself drawn to Davidoff since Ewan McGregor became its "face"? Did you start drinking Bacardi because you wanted to be just like Vinnie Jones in its advert? Me neither. In fact, I began a boycott.
Clearly someone somewhere is drawn to a product because a famous person advertises it. But why do we trust celebrities so? Don't we realise that they do stuff for money? (In that way, they're a bit like prostitutes. Only often, prostitutes don't have a choice.)
Longoria Parker, like every other woman on the global B-list and above, also hawks L'Oreal. But does she really use it all the time? Obviously all Andie MacDowell does these days is apply wrinkle cream - and does a little bit of fencing. But is Penelope Cruz permanently committed to lovely lashes? Do all those ladies in the hair dye ads actually use it? Davina probably does, but can you see Milla Jovovich bent over her sink, making a mess of her bathroom applying her own hair dye? Again, I'm thinking not.
So what's the weirdest celebrity ad you've seen? For me, it's Vic Reeves trannied up in that one for online bingo but feel free to trump that. Moreover, if there's any company you think is missing a trick by not using a celebrity to flog its product, let me know. The Rolling Stones recommend the walk-in bath, anyone?
