The divorce rate is on the increase for all couples – gay or straight – with the latest Office of National Statistics saying that the rise in divorces over a year was 5% higher than the previous year. So, why do we insist on waiting for our dream partner to come along before having kids? And there's almost a 50% chance that your union, whether marriage or civil partnership, will fail.
Whereas once generations of women married young, raised a family and had a house, the modern-day need for women to earn a wage, to be independent and successful means they're working harder, pushing the family notion aside and choosing to become parents later. In the last two decades, the number of 40-year-old and over women who have given birth has trebled.
This has been a concern to many women who have put their broody emotions to one side and concentrated on work, only to find that, during their late thirties carrying children becomes increasingly unlikely.
Unfortunately, many aren't in the sort of stable, long-term relationship that their previous generations were. But there are alternative ways to raise a family. Here are some things to consider.
Teaming up
For years, gay and lesbian friends or acquaintances have opted to co-parent. Although this method was a means to an end, and the only way same sex couples could conceive a child, the prominence of many alternative parenting families suggests the same methodology could be adopted by straight women, too.
If the terms are set out in advance and all scenarios are covered, co-parenting children can work extremely well. Without the parents being glued together by a marriage, there's much less emotional distress or arguments, and there won't be the prospect of being left cope as a single parent, as everyone has their own expectations set out from the start.
Financial pressures, due to increases in the cost of living over the past few decades are also a major advantage of co-parenting. Parental responsibilities can be shared, meaning there is less pressure for parents lifestyles to change dramatically with a child on the way.
There are many scenarios possible within co-parenting arrangements. Some situations are fully equal, giving each parent the same responsibility, whereas some place more emphasis on one parent, often to emphasise stability for the child. For anyone entering into co-parenting, I would suggest that all terms are set out and questions are asked (such as what if one party wants to move a geographical distance away?). Then, a legal co-parenting agreement must be put in place, as when a baby comes along, emotions and feelings can change.
Single ladies
If co-parenting isn't for you and you would rather have parenting autonomy, another growing method that has gone under the radar is to go through a fertility clinic and find an unknown donor.
This route to childbirth has become increasingly popular with single women who have reached their late 30s. Anonymous donors can be chosen on a number of traits: height, eye and hair colour, even education and hobbies, and since 2006, the off-spring have the option to search for their donor dad when they reach the age of 18.
Once a donor is chosen, women often go through an insemination process called IUI with their fertility clinic. The costs range from around £1,000 a month. Alternatively some opt for IVF, which is a much more involved process but can increase chances of success to above 50%.
Find out more
For those who want to find out about all the alternative routes into parenthood, the Alternative Parenting Show on Saturday 15 September is bursting with expert advice on topic areas that will help single women make the best choice. These include using fertility clinics, co-parenting information and adoption. There are also legal advisers on hand to advise on the implications of each method.
Alternative Parenting Show is on Saturday 15 September, held at The Grand Connaught Rooms, Covent Garden. For further information and to register for your place, please visit: www.alternativeparenting.co.uk
Content by Square Peg Media, supporter of the Diversity Hub.
