When I was pregnant expecting my first child, one of the most commonly asked questions was: “are you coming back?” The inference was clear – the answer would most likely be no.
I had spent my twenties busting my guts to do a good job. I rose quickly and gained broad experience from a number of agencies, so this wasn’t a comment on my commitment. It was a presumption on how on earth I would juggle looking after a small child with the demands of our fast-paced industry: the long hours, client demands and late night pitches.
The stats are not encouraging. According to the IPA 2014 Agency Census, there’s a near 50/50 overall male/female split of workers, which reduces to 80/20 by the time the average agency person reaches 35. Women, by this stage, highly trained and talented, are disappearing in droves.
At the time of my first pregnancy (2012) those numbers were reflected at my agency, iris. The correct systems weren’t in place to support returning mums. As a young company, iris didn’t have enough experience and it wasn’t until there was a critical mass that this started to change.
In the interim, I found my own way through pregnancy at work. I indicated how long I would like off and that I’d prefer to come back to a new account. This meant the agency had time to recruit a replacement to whom I could handover when I left. Throughout maternity leave I kept in touch through a mix of coffee dates and agency events or training – using my “keep in touch” days.
But nothing quite prepares you for the great return. For me, the emotional and physical trauma was the worst. For weeks, I felt like I was missing a limb – it was the first time I’d been apart from my son since birth. It took a while to feel normal. I experienced the exhaustion of juggling the two lives and retraining my brain to think the same way and at the same speed (you can feign your old energy, but there’s an extreme exhaustion that only a working parent can understand).
The second time round, it was easier. In the intervening two years, there had been more pregnancies at the agency and, keen to support its female talent, the “parenting package” had been reviewed. From halfway through my second pregnancy, I was given a booklet that detailed the benefits and support. I was assigned a “mummy mentor” and finance worked with me to provide a payment schedule for while I was off.
I had my childcare in place already, but the new package offered emergency sick days if that fell through, which was very reassuring. So the only remaining challenges were the logistics of juggling two children and the emotional wrench of explaining to a two-year-old where I was off to each morning.
It’s not easy but I’m proud of continuing my career during this period of my life and I’m grateful for the support I’ve received.
There are realities about being a working parent and businesses need to be understanding and flexible in response to these, or they will continue to lose people.
The emotional decision to head back to work is never straightforward, but the motivation of demonstrating a strong work ethic and equal opportunities to my small boys keeps me walking in the right direction.
However, practical planning can definitely help the process. Based on three years of this juggle, here are my tips:
At work
- Divide your day into chunks: make each one as productive as possible; time your commute so you get a seat and can work on the journey; only say yes to the meetings at which you need to be; divide the day into meetings, tasks, emails and so on.
- If your day in the office is now shorter, use the time for people: you can work quietly on your own anywhere.
- Get a dongle and embrace agile working: multi-tasking takes on a new meaning when you become a parent, so equip yourself to work wherever you are.
- Set yourself goals and structure your career in three-month phases: this will give you something tangible and realistic to work towards and allow you regular check-ins to reflect on how you’re doing.
At home
- Accept and organise help: whether it’s house cleaning, occasional babysitting or sorting the garden.
- Automate everything: from Ocado to nappy deliveries, this is not a time to run out of things and need last-minute trips to shops.
- Streamline your working wardrobe: avoid “what to wear” decisions in the morning.
- Advance planning: every month go through looming events; there aren’t many things you can’t buy online.
- Plan ahead and try to make the weekends magical: make sure you get a good balance of family time and “me time” so you’re recharged (if not refreshed) by Sunday evening.
Amy Bryson is board director at iris
This advertisement feature is brought to you by the Marketing Agencies Association, sponsors of the Guardian Media & Tech Network’s Agencies hub.
