A cartoon graverobber: Marilyn Manson shows his 'dark' side. Photograph: Getty
I've always regarded the frequently quoted aphorism that writing about music is like dancing about architecture as utter bollocks. Writing about music is like writing about architecture - that is, a perfectly valid response to an art form which, when done well, is capable of illuminating and expanding our understanding of it. It is true, however, that words often do music a grave disservice. As someone who regularly reviews records new and old, I'll admit that attempting to describe what music sounds like without resorting to cliché and second-hand phrases can sometimes be tougher than it looks, but it's hardly an impossible task.
I wouldn't dream of claiming anything near to a 100% success rate on my own behalf - there are numerous things I've written that might make me cringe in retrospect. However, given that there are so many words out there to choose from when writing about music and that only a tiny fraction of them are regularly used, the only conclusion to draw is that we desperately need a new critical lexicon. The old one is tired, limited, and more than a little frayed through decades of overuse.
As a small step in the right direction, I'd like to raise a motion instantly banning the words "brave", "dark" and "edgy" from any album review. Popular music has scarcely, if ever, contained less edge, while dark seems to be randomly applied to almost anyone who isn't Ray Quinn, be they Kate Bush, cartoon grave robbers like Marilyn Manson, or a band shamelessly aping Joy Division and singing about, gulp, smoking outside hospitals. And try explaining just how brave poor, misunderstood Brett Anderson's ghastly solo album is to a Chelsea pensioner or a paramedic.
These unholy trinity are my personal bugbears, but there are scores more. Do you agree that music hacks should, in general, be trying much harder to be a little more expressive in our reviews? And what phrases are guaranteed to bring you out in hives?
