A woman struggles "massively" with survivor's guilt years after escaping a house fire that killed her mum and younger sister.
Carol Hughes, 40, was just a child when a fire swept through her home, and while she was saved, her mum Christine Kennerley and 15-month-old sister Donna were not so lucky.
She suffered from nightmares where she shout in her sleep after the heartbreaking ordeal and was a "very lost" young adult, going on to "fight many emotional demons".
And she often wonders what might have been if the fire never happened.
Young mum Christine, who was only 20 at the time of her death, managed to get Carol out of the house in Northwich, Cheshire, before going back in to try and save her other daughter, but both perished.
The damage caused by the horrific blaze was so bad that what had started it could never be determined and the bodies had to be formally identified by small items of jewellery and dental records, reports North Wales Live .
At the time of the fire on November 30, 1984, Carol was 4 and had moved from Pwllheli, in north west Wales, to Northwich when she was six months old after her mum married her stepfather Phillip Kennerley. He was away looking for work in London at the time.
But his parents John and Irene Kennerley, as well as his brother Nigel, 16, and a lodger, Robert Wench, were all in the property during the fire but made it out alive.
Carol said her brain seems to have blocked out the incident "because it was so traumatic" but unfortunately she also has no memory of her mum or little sister either.
The careworker, who has three children of her own, was raised by her grandparents back in Pwllheli and admitted she has had "periods of depression" because of the trauma she suffered.
"It's definitely been a roller coaster, I've had to fight many emotional demons, but have had to stay strong because I have a family of my own now," she said.
Carol has had to look to the positives as time has gone on and believes she is "here for a reason" as she fights to remain strong for her family.
"I've struggled massively with survivor's guilt over the years, wondering why I didn't die," she continued.
"I have had periods of depression because of it, but I've had to pull myself through and I just keep telling myself that I am here for a reason. She saved me for a reason."
She doesn't remember ever living in Northwich or "anything about that night" and went on to say she often wonders what might have happened if the fire never took place.
"Would I have come back to Pwllheli and settled down? Would I have the three kids I have now? You just never know."
Carol said she has always been told her mum Christine was a "fantastic woman and mother" and cherishes the photos she has of her because without them she can't even picture her.
"I do wish she was here to see me and to be a Nan to my kids but I just keep thinking how lucky I am to still be here because I could quite easily have died myself that night."
Her grandparents told her she was "never the same" after the night of the fire and had intense nightmares.
"I guess I just forgot and got used to the fact that my Nain and Taid were my new parents," said Carol.
Sadly, her grandfather died when she was 14 and her grandmother when she was 22, just three months after she gave birth to her first daughter.
"That was especially hard because for 15 years she was a mother to me so it was like losing my Mam all over again," she said.
Carol said since becoming a mum she has questions "I never thought to ask" but "now they're not here to answer them".
But, fortunately, her mum was one of six siblings, so she continued to "feel close to her" through them.
Christine would have been 57 on December 17 and with her birthday being so close to when she died, Carol said this time of year is a "double whammy".
"I still have questions but I have to accept that I won't get the answers, knowing that is hard to cope with," she added.
