As kids, there was probably nothing more we looked more forward to than our birthdays. For many, the same remains in adulthood, as even 70% of American adults believe that it’s worth celebrating their own birthday. However, those celebrations sometimes can turn sour.
This man’s birthday dinner became awkward when his girlfriend wouldn’t fawn over his toddler niece. Since the woman was childfree, she didn’t see the point in pretending to like kids or imitate a bond with the toddler. But when his family ganged up on her for being a child hater, the girlfriend decided to seek advice and validation online.
This childfree woman’s BF’s birthday dinner turned into a nightmare thanks to his toddler niece
Image credits: Rawpixel / Envato (not the actual photo)
Although it was his birthday, all the attention was on the kid, and the woman just didn’t think it was fair
Image credits: Mariela Ferbo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: africaimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
“I will not go to any more gatherings until I keep my anger in check”, the GF wrote in an update
Image credits: DragonImages / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: sushifuntime
People who are child-free don’t actually hate kids
Image credits: lucas Favre / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Being childfree by choice is no longer something shocking. In America, more women (55%) than men (43%) say they don’t want and don’t plan on having kids. And societal attitudes have shifted as well. According to a recent Pew survey, 66% of American parents aged 50 or older say having kids has nothing to do with leading a more fulfilling life.
Still, many people think that those who choose to be child-free by choice are child haters. But is that really true? Well, yes and no.
While it’s true that some people make the choice not to have children because they simply don’t like children so much (their tantrums, demands for attention, or the fact that they put everything in their mouths), others don’t have any ill will towards children. Sometimes, like in this story, childfree people don’t like certain kinds of kids: spoiled, unruly, and poorly parented ones.
When the professor of sociology at the University of Maine and the author of Childfree by Choice Amy Blackstone interviewed 70 people who made such a lifestyle decision, some respondents told her that there are children in their lives who are important. And sometimes, their not having children even resulted in more special relationships.
Although they don’t have children of their own, childfree people help others’ kids
Image credits: Levi Meir Clancy / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you want to be as far away from them as possible. A lot of the people Blackstone talked to actually worked with children: as teachers, social workers, pediatricians, therapists, and even children’s camp directors. These people feel like there are lots of kids navigating the world already who need adults’ help.
And those childfree folks whose relatives already have kids often help them out. One Finnish study found that childfree women invest in their siblings’ kids more than their mothers do. A 2012 study showed that members of PANKS (Professional Aunt No Kids) spent somewhere around $385 on the children in their lives.
Some childfree people actually love kids; they just don’t have the patience for toddlers and teens or don’t want to spend 20 years of their lives raising kids. “Parenthood is a lifestyle, and it’s one many of us have no interest in,” author and child-free blogger Kristen Tetsi writes.
Children being loud and active is a normal part of their development
One reason why people might dislike kids is that they can be loud, attention-seeking little monsters. You might think that these are signs of poorly behaved children, but it’s actually quite normal for kids to be noisy, playful, and energetic.
According to the experts at SmartyKids, these are signs of healthy development. In fact, it helps them:
- learn and retain information better (especially through activities like singing, acting, etc.);
- build muscle strength, coordination, and balance through physical activities;
- increase their social skills and emotional intelligence through laughing and socializing with peers.
Lifestyle blogger and child-free advocate Veronica Martin explains how, even though she is child-free by choice, she doesn’t expect children to be silent and well-behaved at all times. “I realize that kids like to be loud and sometimes they are going to be little terrors no matter how awesome their parents are,” she writes.
“I can endure quite a bit of tantrum-throwing when I’m not the one who has to try to make it stop while a crowd of strangers glowers at me.”
Most people agreed with the woman: “That child’s gonna grow up thinking it’s superior to everyone else”
Others, however, sided with the family: “This reads more like child hate”
