Cee Rainey agonised over every word in the message and then wiped it all out – for the third time. After all, it is not easy asking a man you have not seen for almost 20 years to be your sperm donor.
But Cee did not give up and she reminded old flame Damian of a promise he made decades earlier.
She wrote: “I am looking into sperm donors… I remembered you said you would help all those years ago so I thought I would try.”
Cee says: “I just typed from my heart and pressed send. Then I sat back and thought ‘Oh my God!’”
The message sent in June 2016 by 40-year-old nanny Cee changed her life. It brought her three sons and a happy marriage as well as a baby.
Cee was instantly attracted to Damian when they met in a pub in 1996. She says: “I was 21 and he was 24. I was with friends when this gorgeous, 6ft Irish guy appeared. He had beautiful kind eyes and a lovely smile. He looked at me and my heart skipped a beat.”
It took four months for the two to admit they liked each other but from their first date they were smitten.
They were blissfully happy for two years, the only disagreements came when they talked about the future. New Zealander Cee was desperate to travel the world again but Damian was having fun in London.
Cee says: “Our different plans just pulled us apart. I was heartbroken.”
But before leaving, Cee had a hospital examination following an unusual smear test. She had endometriosis and would have trouble conceiving and carrying a baby.
Cee says: “I was devastated. I wanted to be a mother. Suddenly that dream seemed to be over.”
As Damian held her in his arms outside the hospital he made the life-changing promise.
He told her: “I know we’re going our separate ways, but you’d be a great mum. If you ever need help to become one, I’ll do it for you.”
A few weeks later she got on a plane to Africa knowing Damian loved her. And for years Cee, now 45, travelled but carried a torch for the him.
In 2003, thanks to a mutual friend, they spoke on the phone and he told her he had two small children.
Cee says: “All the same feelings were still there but that door closed. I would never pursue anyone in a relationship. It was time for me to really move on.”
She joined a dating app and in 2005 met Stephen, not his real name.
They married in 2008 but Cee was not happy, not least as she was no nearer to the baby she dreamed of. Her thoughts often turned to Damian.
She saw on Facebook photos he was a single dad with three sons, having split from his relationship. But Cee did not message him.
“I was married – however unhappily – and it didn’t feel right," she said.
In 2015, approaching 40, Cee was sure her marriage was over and decided it was now or never for a baby. She aimed to be a single mum in New Zealand, bringing up a baby with the help of family and friends.
She looked into sperm banks but they were expensive and found Facebook groups where men offer to “help” women out, no strings attached, but found it “all a bit clinical”.
It was on a 2016 trip to see her dad in New Zealand that she remembered the promise. Her dad gave her a box of her old things to go through.
“There was a photo album, and the first photo was of Damian. He was looking straight down the lens and into my heart. I couldn’t breathe.
“Why pay a stranger to be my sperm donor when I can ask someone who once had loved me? Someone I knew was a good man? If it worked, I could send him photos of the baby and we could visit each other. I knew it was a bit mad.”
She heard nothing back for 10 days after sending him the message in June.
“Surely he was just trying to find a nice way to let me down? Of course he didn’t want to be a sperm donor. Why would he do that only for the baby to go to New Zealand?”
Then a voice message appeared and Cee called Damian back. For three hours they caught up on what was going on in their lives.
After their fifth phone call, Cee asked him about being her sperm donor and explained about her plan. He said yes, but because of Cee’s endometriosis Damian would need to provide a sperm sample. They tried to work out how he could send one.
But Damian said: “Cee, this is silly, why don’t you come to Ireland and meet my children?”
In December, six months after she sent the message, she made the trip.
She said: “Seeing him at the airport all my feelings for him came flooding back. We walked along the beach and he reached for my hand. It was like the best first date I’d ever had.”
The pair carried out the agreed medical steps – including using a drug to stimulate ovulation and intrauterine insemination, where sperm is placed directly into the uterus.
But they both realised this was much more than trying to make a baby. They were falling for each other.
“In 2017 he brought the boys – then aged 13, 15 and 16 – over to London for a week. It was magical. I looked around and thought, ‘If we have a baby that’s amazing. But if not, then this is still wonderful’. We were a family already.
"Damian wasn’t my sperm donor any more. He was the man I loved.”
The couple tried IVF in October 2017, which worked first time. Cee moved to Ireland at 12 weeks pregnant and Damian proposed a month later. Cee said: “My sperm donor was going to become my husband”
Aoife was born on July 23, 2018, by Caesarean and the couple married in New Zealand in January 2019.
Now the family of six live happily in Coleraine, Co Londonderry, and Cee has written a book about her experiences as both a nanny and a mum.
“I look around at my life and just feel so grateful. To think that a promise made decades ago led to this is amazing. We’ve taken a chance and it’s taken us somewhere incredible.”
- All the Small Things, by Cee Rainey, is available on Amazon.
