A woman fears she's been insensitive by asking her grieving friend along to her daughter's first birthday party. According to this woman, she and her friend gave birth on exactly the same day, with her friend's child arriving two months early.
They were both thrilled to share this special day together, but, tragically, just six months ago, her friend's baby passed away, leaving her devastated. The unnamed woman has tried to be there for her friend as best she can, admitting she "cannot begin to imagine her pain." However, she mostly just wants to be left alone, which she completely understands and respects.
Her daughter is about to turn one, and she and her partner want to invite their close friends and family members to a birthday party to mark the day. Not wanting to leave her friend out, she sent her a message letting her know what was happening before the official invitations were handed out. She's now worried she may have acted insensitively, given her recent terrible loss.
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Taking to Reddit, the concerned mum - who goes by the username u/pr1ncessazula - wrote: "I texted her before invites were sent out, saying 'I wanted to let you know my daughter’s birthday party is (on said date), and I just wanted to let you know you're invited, no pressure on you to come at all.'
"She texted me back saying 'Oh no thanks, I’ll be at my daughter’s grave that day. You know, the one that will never have a first birthday. F*** off.'
"She told our other friends how p***** she is at me for even inviting her and that it's awful that I'm still celebrating this day, and they kind of see her side, saying I could have been more sensitive. My husand doesn't think I did anything wrong and it's just grief talking."
She's now reached out to fellow Reddit users to ask whether she could have gone about things differently, and the vast number have sympathised with her almost impossibly difficult predicament.
One person advised: "I feel like you were screwed either way. If you didn’t invite her your friends (and her) probably would have thought you were being presumptuous by making the decision for her.
"You messaging her personally so she wouldn’t get blindsided by an invitation was likely the right call unless she (or someone else) has talked to you about keeping a distance. If your friends mention it, ask what you could’ve done to be more sensitive- if they have better ideas, use them.
"I agree with your husband that this is grief talking. I can’t imagine how angry I’d be at the world in her shoes, let alone the extra torture of watching a friend go through the milestones I’d never get to see."
Another commented: "She's still grieving the loss of her child, and grief tends to hit harder on birthdays and holidays. In this case, it's unfortunate that your daughter and hers shared a birthday, and maybe inviting her to an actual 'party' so soon might have been a little insensitive in hindsight.
"However, your daughter deserves to have her birthday celebrated also, and especially as she gets older and more aware of the significance of birthdays, she might come to resent having hers overshadowed by the loss of someone she never even got to meet.
"It's a difficult situation to be sure, but I don't think there are any a******* here: just one mum celebrating her daughter's birthday and another mum grieving hers."
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