THE UNRAVELLING?
Jürgen Klopp came bounding into the hearts of Liverpool fans late in 2015, hitting some early heights with a 6-1 shellacking of Southampton in the Milk Cup quarter-final. Divock Origi and Daniel Sturridge swaggered around St Mary’s as Anfield Road began to overflow with merchandise, fans eager to show their appreciation with snappy puns like ‘Kloppite’ (fine), ‘All You need Is Klopp’ (hmm …) and ‘The Kloppfather’ (come on). None of that gear has made it further back in the wardrobe than this doozie just yet, but like The Fiver at one of its many temporary lodgings, the Liverpool manager is growing less Kloppular with each passing week [boo – Fiver Ed].
Southampton’s 1-0 win at Anfield in Wednesday’s Carling Cup semi-final second leg realistically leaves Liverpool with only the FA Cup as a viable trophy – a competition that Klopp, without wanting to go all Paul Merson on you, has treated with egregious disdain. This was their second home defeat in a row, and makes Saturday’s FA Cup visit of Wolves around 100 times more significant than it might have been. Liverpool’s next three Premier League home fixtures are against Chelsea, Tottenham and Arsenal, and Klopp appears to be feeling the heat, with post-match chat that was as witty and coherent as a Lee Hurst tweet. “I don’t want to make excuses,” he began, before reaching for his Big Book o’Excuses to call out a handball not given against goalscorer Shane Long. “Is it my job to get a fine by speaking about these things?” Klopp bellowed, leafing through the small print in his contract, while fans elsewhere kept a welcome sense of perspective.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly where things went wrong after the 1-0 win over Manchester City on New Year’s Eve. Perhaps it’s Sadio Mané temporarily doing one to Gabon; or it could be Origi and Sturridge’s burgeoning can’t-score-won’t-score partnership. Liverpool’s slip also neatly coincides with the return of $tevie Mbe, who’s been busy telling the young lads to forget that gegenpressing lark, and just watch me hit this crossfield ball.
But, like The Fiver settling its damage payments at those aforementioned lodgings, we must give credit where it’s due. Southampton were as excellent as Liverpool were indifferent, with homegrown talent Jack Stephens performing impeccably in defence, and fellow whippersnapper Josh Sims setting up Long’s winner in style. They are into their first Worthington’s Cup final since 1979, poised to join Birmingham, Swansea and Sunderland in reaping the rewards of a surprise run to Wembley. “It is a great reward but it is not finished,” said a straight-shooting Claude Puel. “We are not going [to Wembley] just to participate, it is important we win the final.”
They stand a very good chance, regardless of who they face next. Speaking of which, events at Anfield should ensure José Mourinho is even warier than usual before Manchester United’s trip to Hull on Thursday night. United lead 2-0 from the first leg, but Hull manager Marco Silva has issued a rousing call to arms. “We may rotate some players but we will be in a condition to fight for this game … We go into this game believing it is possible to play in the final,” he roared from the KCom Stadium battlements. If his good work at Hull so far continues with a dramatic turnaround, the good vibes will return to Merseyside sooner than expected.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I looked down in one game and there was a big Swiss army knife on the edge of the box. I thought: ‘Oh my God, if that had hit me …’ It wasn’t open but, given how heavy they are, it would probably have knocked me out. I picked it up and gave it to one of the opposition coaching staff at half-time. At the end of the game a few of their staff were saying to me: ‘Thank you so much. You’re such a nice guy.’ I was thinking: ‘What have I done here?’ I asked the translator why they were being so nice to me. He asked if I’d given them anything and so I told him about the Swiss army knife. He said: ‘That’s why then, because if you’d have given it to the referee, their fans would have been banned for a couple of games.’ I said if I’d known that I would have given it to the ref straight away!” – Derby keeper Scott Carson on his time in Turkey and plenty more in this entertaining chin-wag with Stuart James.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: yesterday’s Fiver. In the past I’ve begged, cajoled, chastised, prodded, provoked, pushed, pleaded and shouted to get you to better acknowledge the existence of my beloved Southend United. Be careful what you wish for springs to mind” – Sam Carpenter.
“I’m all for supporting the reinstatement of Southend’s groundsman Ken Hare. But, in reality, how would that work? His employers would be looking for a ‘real’ excuse to sack him every minute of his working day. There are no jokes in this message. Sorry” – Mark Dawson.
“Your report on Southend’s dismissal of their groundsman made much of the 492-mile round trip for the Bolton fans. However, as a long-in-the-tooth Southend supporter, I had to endure a 396-mile trek last Saturday. Starting out from Worcester, I reached Roots Hall to discover the game was off. Cursing the Machiavellian machinations, I headed off for a bracing walk on Southend Pier (not added to my total mileage), then visited my mum in Suffolk (brownie points bagged) before returning home. Your article was heavily biased in favour of away fans and long-serving employees with 27 years’ service” – Andy Hawes.
“Southend United blaming their groundsman for the bad weather? Who would come up with such a ridiculous claim? Ah” – Daniel Makeham.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Andy Hawes.
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Having signed the combative Granit Xhaka to bolster his midfield, Arsène Wenger is offering the Swiss some interesting advice. “It’s more the way he tackles that is not really convincing,” sighed Wenger. “He doesn’t master well the technique. I would encourage him not to tackle, to stay on his feet.”
The Spurs squad have sent former teammate Ryan Mason a video message, as the Hull City midfielder continues to recover from a fractured skull. “He is a special player for us and for me, personally,” said Mauricio Pochettino. “He grew up here at Tottenham. He is a person that we love.”
Aitor Karanka is still feeling funky about a section of Middlesbrough’s fans, having labelled early leavers “awful” after last weekend’s home defeat to West Ham. “As a former player I know that to play the last five or 10 minutes in a stadium that is almost empty is not good for players who are trying their best,” he yelped.
Leicester City won’t be strong-armed into selling Leonardo Ulloa on the cheap, according to Claudio Ranieri. “If somebody wants Leo they will have to pay and that is it,” he sniffed. “The [Mr 15%] said I am a liar. If I’m a liar, I don’t want to say what [he is].”
Nasty Leeds’ Souleymane Doukara. Woof!
Aston Villa have snaffled up Barnsley skipper Conor Hourihane. “I’m really pleased to be here,” he offered by way of an opening zinger.
And Darmstadt have agreed to end Aenis Ben-Hatira’s contract over his support of Ansaar International, an organisation authorities claim is close to hardline Islamists. “[We wish] Aenis Ben-Hatira, who has always behaved outstandingly and acted as a role model at our club, all the best for his sporting future,” said club president Rüdiger Fritsch.
STILL WANT MORE?
On this day in 1993, a mere 3,036 watched a Premier League match. Paul MacInnes ventures down memory lane.
How Donald Trump almost bought The Pope’s O’Rangers. Yep.
This week’s Classic YouTube features some deadline-day tomfoolery: bongo-toy-gate, Jason Bent and ‘Arry Redknapp’s car window.
Southampton are heading back to Wembley for the first time since lifting the JPT, and they will not just make up the numbers, writes Ben Fisher.
Jürgen Klopp’s got to sort it and fast at Liverpool, so says Andy Hunter.
In today’s Mill: Chelsea want Arturo Vidal, Manchester City eye Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and, er, Nedum Onouha looms large at Sunderland.
Millwall’s fight for The Den is a victory for the small man, it says here. And here’s how the battle unfolded over more than a decade.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
