Name: Sriracha.
Age: Between four and 100 years old, depending on whether you live in Si Racha, in eastern Thailand, or Brooklyn, New York.
Appearance: Red. Ubiquitous.
Is it a skin disease? Should I be worried? No, it’s a sauce made from garlic, sugar, chillis and vinegar, apparently invented two generations ago in Thailand. Sometimes defined as “hipster tabasco”. You can add it to anything you fancy.
Completely passed me by. Mine’s a basic Heinz palate. That may change now that McDonald’s has leapt on the Sriracha bandwagon, and is offering it mixed with its standard Big Mac condiment as “Awesome Sauce”.
Really? The special sauce now has a special kick? Indeed.
At the mention of the infamous burger chain, my Guardian spider sense is set a-tingling … should we not be suspicious of any and all developments occurring under the golden arches? What would perturb you about a spicy twist on a condiment?
Umm … discrimination against the bland? Not – yet – a thing.
Uhh … will they be clear-cutting rainforest to grow chillis? Not to my knowledge.
Got it! Cultural assimilation. I’m tired already, but go on.
Local Asian foodstuff appropriated by and absorbed into western culture. Uniquely piquant sauce diluted by vast conglomerate’s mildly, unidentifiably tangy concoction. How d’you like those emblematic onions? Globalisation! Homogenisation! Thievery! I take your shouty point, but ...
But what? It was introduced to the US by a Chinese man, David Tran, who moved to California from Vietnam in the early 80s. He handmade, handbottled and handsold it, biking it to customers himself. He now sells 20m bottles a year.
Hmm. I find capitalism very complicated. It is.
Maybe it will fail and we won’t have to continue this conversation. Maybe it will be 2016’s McLobster roll, McPizza or McPasta or McHotdog, or other-snack-food-they-just-put-a-Mc-in-front-of-without-ever-inventing-a-USP-for-it. Or the McAfrika. God, the McAfrika. Debuted during a continent-wide set of famines in 2002. That was very definitely a McStake.
Then again, maybe it will be a McRib or McFlurry and take over the world. I’ll have to try one and see. There’s a Maccy D’s just around the corner. Won’t be a minute. Actually, the Sriracha sauce is only available in LA and San Diego at the moment. You’ll have to wait, at least for the copycat recipes on YouTube.
Do say: “Delicious! A whole new taste sensation!”
Don’t say: “On a patty of indistinguishable cow parts.”
