Coronation Street clearly has no intentions of ageing gracefully. Not content with airing soap's first transsexual wedding as part of the show's 50th birthday celebrations, the full half-century of Weatherfield goings-on will also be heading to the stage.
Coronation Street – Abridged: Live! (that's a lot of punctuation for a four-word title) will apparently cover "over 7000 episodes and 2,000 storylines including 115 deaths, 37 births and 86 marriages, in under two hours". The writer, Jonathan Harvey, obviously has some work on his hands.
But which other shows would you like to see on stage? Soaps seem the obvious choice, if only because they offer plenty of variety when it comes to cast and storyline. Here are my choices – share yours with us below.
Neighbours — the musical
The stage version of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, arguably already fulfils this particular need, what with Jason Donovan starring, and a Kylie song in the score. But the world needs to be reminded of classic storylines such as Shane's diving career (wouldn't that be brilliant on stage?), and Cody's death by drug dealers. It's high camp and high melodrama, and it needs songs – if only to immortalise Dr Clive's stripping career in a big musical number.
Emmerdale
There is, of course, the animals-on-stage issue. And, while there is a fine theatrical tradition of using impressive mechanical creations instead of the real thing, well-trained livestock bring an added aaah-factor. In any case, given the number of disasters that have struck the village over the years, the special effects departments will already have quite a lot on: what with the spectacular plane crashes, floods and explosions. Better get training those sheep.
Dynasty
Frankly I can't believe that this hasn't been done before – nothing seems more ripe for a stage adaptation. With fabulous costumes, crazy plot twists and one of the biggest bitches in the history of fiction, there is simply no way that this wouldn't be a box office smash.
Eldorado
It was a televisual flop, but Eldorado remains fondly remembered, and the impact of the doomed soap on popular culture deserves to be recognised. If a stage production could cast professional actors who can speak English (unlike the soap opera, which made the fatal error of just drafting in random people off the street regardless of linguistic abilities), Bunny, Fizz, Pilar, Marcus and the rest could be brought to life once more.
