These are quiet times in the American business world, of course - not much going on in the way of catastrophic housing crisis, rising oil prices, fears of imminent economic meltdown, etcetera, etcetera - so it's good to see the financial experts at Forbes magazine keeping themselves busy with other matters, specifically a new ranking of the world's 20 hottest royals. But this is still Forbes, don't forget, so "hotness" is evaluated mathematically according to several different scales, including looks, fortune, and level of popularity in the media and on the web.
To be eligible for inclusion one has to be under 35. Oh, and also, you know, born into a profoundly undemocratic and laughably anachronistic structure of inherited privilege that has no place in contemporary society. That, too.
And who's this lantern-jawed, blue-eyed fellow in first place if not our own Prince William, who is praised for being "photogenic with a graceful public persona" and exuding "international intrigue", whatever that means. And right below him comes noted period-costume enthusiast Prince Harry, whose "un-royal behaviour [has] earned him a reputation as the more carefree of the two siblings". In third place, Zara Phillips. In fourth place: Princess Beatrice. Seriously, it's, like, a clean sweep for the House of Windsor!
Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum of Dubai barely scrapes in at sixth. And as for the unthinkably wealthy former Jade Goody escort and international playboy Prince Azim of Brunei? Don't make me laugh: eighth place. This is news in which all patriotic Britons should rejoice.
The only mystery is the absence of Peter Phillips, recently married to Autumn Kelly at Windsor amid much alleged royal fury surrounding the couple's sale of the photographs to Hello! magazine. Has he been airbrushed from existence, sentenced to eternal damnation with one word of icy rage from the Queen? Or is it just that Forbes's bizarre hotness calculation method rules out anyone who's married? People want to know! I mean, slightly.
