Name: The England Football Team.
Age: 21-33.
Appearance: White shirts, three lions, wary optimism – you know the drill.
Oh my God do I ever. What have they done now? They’ve won a knockout match in the World Cup, beating Norway 2-1, and they’re through to the quarter-final!
Hooray (unless you’re Scottish)! Except wait a minute … Wasn’t there a World Cup last year? I thought we generally got a fallow year between crushing disappointments? Not this year. And anyway, it’s the England women’s team we’re talking about.
Good heavens! And they’ve got through to a World Cup quarter-final? Outstanding! It’s the Women’s World Cup. All the other players are women, too.
Ah. But that’s still impressive. Although, I must say I haven’t really seen much bunting or piles of tat in supermarkets. Well, that is about to change. England’s women lost their opening game to France, but then beat Mexico and Colombia 2-1, and the Norway game was very dramatic.
Was it a game of two halves? It certainly was. England weren’t good in the first half. Norway scored early... in the second. But captain Steph Houghton headed the team level from a Fara Williams corner. Then, with 14 minutes to go, the right-back Lucy Bronze walloped in a winner from outside the box, giving England their first knockout victory at a World Cup.
Tell me more about these fleeting national heroines! Well, central midfielder Williams has played in more England games than any other woman, and scored a penalty against Colombia game. She was homeless for six years when she was younger.
Crikey. Karen Carney, a forward, is another senior player in good form, having scored against both Mexico and Colombia. Next, the team play Canada, the hosts, on Saturday, kicking off at half past midnight UK time.
So will England win the World Cup? Don’t spoil it! Let’s just say Germany and the US are the heavy favourites. England are 16-1 outsiders.
Do say: So will England win the World Cup?
Don’t say: Well, if they can beat Canada, then beat either Australia or Japan or the Netherlands in the semi-final, then beat probably either Germany or the US … then yes!
