Wildlife presenter Chris Packham has revealed he twice considered suicide during bouts of severe depression in 2003.
The 54-year-old Springwatch star, who has Asperger syndrome, told the Times that he had not killed himself because he didn’t want to leave behind his two dogs, poodles Itchy and Scratch, or hurt his family.
His new memoir, Fingers in the Sparkle Jar, charts the more difficult periods of his life.
Packham said he was a “weird kid” in school and had been badly bullied, prompting him to focus on his passion for natural science.
He rejected the view that suicide was selfish, writing in his book: “[People] simply can’t comprehend the absolute separation. They think you can see [it] out, but you can’t.
"It’s f***ing obvious you can’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be about to kill yourself because you’d be able to see a future.”
The first time he thought about taking his own life was after the death of his dog, Fish. The second time, he decided he “didn’t have enough drugs to be sure it would work. I wouldn’t want to make a bad job of suicide”.
He also felt he could not leave his partner, Charlotte Corney, the owner of the Isle of Wight Zoo, or the two poodles, which were bought after Fish's death.
Packham, who lives in the New Forest, described the love shown by animals as “unswerving and unparalleled by any humans”.
His sister is the equally successful Jenny Packham, a favourite fashion designer of the Duchess of Cambridge.
