A woman’s scary experience at a bar has social media users judging her choices, even after she asked them not to. In a viral TikTok, Bo (@_bojustice_) shares how a night out on the town ended up with her fielding “odd” messages from a man almost 20 years her senior weeks later.
A late-night outing
Bo starts her 5-minute-long storytime telling viewers “don’t judge me,” before launching into a tale that resulted in viewers doing just that.
Bo shares how she planned to meet up with friends at a bar downtown at midnight. After half an hour of finding a parking spot, Bo managed to find her way to the bar. She waited there for her friends to text her back. After waiting alone, she decided to take a drink inside.
While at the bar, Bo says she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to find a 40-odd-year-old man. He asked her what she was drinking (Malibu with pineapple juice) and he handed her his card so she could go order at the bar. While they chatted, Bo says they talked about her workplace and found out his daughter was dating Bo’s co-worker.
“I have his daughter on Snapchat,” Bo says while acknowledging that the interaction was “weird” due to the age gap.
Then things took a turn when he asked if she “wanted to see something cool.”
Since she hadn’t gotten a response from her friend yet, Bo decided to play along and follow the man outside the bar.
“He walks me through some dark alleyway, sketch,” Bo continues. “I was freaking out.”
A second location
The man ends up taking Bo to some office he had access to with his keycard, where he showed her the view of downtown. As if things weren’t “odd” enough, the man pulled out a tube and sniffed it, Bo says, before offering it to her.
“I started freaking out,” Bo says. She ended up telling him she needs to go after he asked to touch her. “I just needed to get out of the situation.”
On their way out, the man asked her for a ride home. Still urging viewers not to judge her, Bo obliged because she was “too nice.” During the ride, which he contributed $40 toward,the man was suggestive toward her. She dropped him off at his house where she’d “been there before. I’ve dropped his daughter off there before.”
He spent 10 minutes trying to convince her to come into the house with him.
“At one point while I was in his office, I gave him my number,” Bo says. “He’s still texting me now to this day. This was like two weeks ago.”
‘We are listening and judging’
Viewers were glad to hear Bo was OK, but coudn’t believe she was in that situation in the first place.
“I used to do stuff like that too lol,” one user shared. “I was raised to be kind to everyone no matter what and it always put me in bad situations.” Another questioned, “Why did you even leave bar with him and did you tell his daughter?”
Someone accused Bo of just “following all the red flags,” and another simply wrote, “I judged you the whole time.”
The danger of people-pleasing
Many women are known to be people pleasers, even if it puts someone above their needs or gut instincts. Oftentimes, women feel they have to be polite or friendly to men because there’s the fear that if they aren’t, men can retaliate with violence. On the other hand, being too nice or friendly can put women in situations such as Bo’s. It’s a Catch-22. If you’re not nice, you may end up angering a man but if you are nice, you may still end up in compromising situations. In a 2019 article titled “How Being Too Nice Can Be Dangerous for Women,” a Psychology Today author argues that being nice “can increase the likelihood that women are abused.”
The author clarifies, “This does not mean that women cause men to become abusive. Nor does it mean that women are responsible for their own victimization. What it does mean is that by being too nice, women can send a message to those who already have a tendency to use and abuse. The message is: ‘My need to be seen as nice (or fair or sweet) may be more powerful than my instinct to protect myself.’”
@_bojustice_ #fyp #bojustice ♬ original sound – bo<3
It’s important to note that this doesn’t mean it’s women’s fault. While Bo’s viewers chastised her for putting herself in such a situation, one can argue that the system is in place due to societal and cultural factors. Women are often told to police their wardrobes, cover their drinks when at parties, and share their location with friends when going out. Today, more women are voicing against these double standards and asking men to be held accountable.
The Mary Sue reached out to Bo via email.
Have a tip we should know? [email protected]
