Oh no, the vest is back. The vest, beloved of Mr Muscle, the angry-looking guy whose natural habitat is the local GNC shop and Vin Diesel. For years its wearability has been questionable, partly thanks to its unseemly moniker (the “wife beater”. Great name, guys) but also because it’s basically unwearable unless you were carved out of marble by Michelangelo. Or at least look like it.
The celebrities who are wearing it are not slim jims (Kit Harington, Justin Theroux, Jason Momoa and, infamously, Tom Hiddleston) but they are plentiful. It’s become the #humblebrag top that speaks to a Insta-graphic world, where the bearing of a muscular, tattoo-filled upper arm is a powerful currency.
On the catwalk, the vest has appeared in various forms: Gucci went all Jarvis Cocker with their knitted graphic tank top featuring some sort of magical hare riding atop a demonic whippet, Gosha Rubchinskiy’s athleisure one referenced Olympics gymnasts with its three stripes, and Sibling’s floral mesh one.
On the screen it has appeared as a staple of 70s referencing in Everybody Wants Some!! and Jaden Smith in The Get Down. The subtext is clear: it’s the new T-shirt.
But even though some of us would like to believe that, it’s difficult to envision a situation where it will become a mass staple. Wearing a vest on a normal body feels like a vulnerable exposure: you need a mix of machismo and upper-body confidence off to carry the look off. Unless you style it like Gucci has done, layering it over a shirt and channelling your inner mathlete.
For us mere mortals who are not familiar with any products containing whey protein, perhaps it’s time to put the tank top back on the shelf and leave it to the big guns. And the guys with the big guns.
