Name: Parliamentary robots.
Appearance: Chrome, wires, tartan.
Also known as: Metal McKay, Wee P3-0, Pal 9000.
Prime directive: Freedom!
Initiate information sequence <PassNotes> Erm. OK.
<Remark> What is it today, then? It’s the Labour MP John Woodcock, who, during a debate on renewing Britain’s nuclear capability, said to his SNP opponents: “I would have been happy to take every single one of you robots.”
Ha. Ha. Ha. Print <AmusedFace> Well, they didn’t find it funny. “Can we have some clarification on whether the charming expression ‘robot’ is parliamentary language?” the SNP’s John Nicolson asked the deputy speaker Eleanor Laing.
<Question> What did Laing.dep.sp decide? She said it was fine. “I have come to the conclusion that in some circumstances it might [be derogatory], and in some it might not,” she announced. “For the moment, I am concluding for my own peace of mind that the honourable gentleman was thinking of a high-functioning, intelligent robot and therefore, for the moment, I will not call him to order for the use of the word.”
<Remark> Opinion of Laing.dep.sp is invalid. Yes. I think that’s pretty obvious. But whether or not her opinion was valid, I think it means MPs can now call each other robots whenever they feel like being rude.
<Question> Why did Woodcock.mp designate Nicolson.mp and <SNP> “robots”? Because of their creepily perfect parliamentary discipline. The SNP MPs seem to agree on everything, and he thinks that’s weird. He was also annoyed because they wouldn’t let him speak.
<Question> Are Nicolson.mp and his colleagues robots? No. No, they’re not.
<Question> Is it weird to be a robot? That depends on your point of view. Woodcock’s Labour party is currently a total mess because it can’t agree on anything. Its leader never followed instructions from past leaders and is now struggling to convince the rest to take instructions from him. Basically, Woodcock wants to make it look as if the SNP are all scheming hypocrites for showing discipline, whereas Labour are principled politicians.
<SNP hypocrisy> and <Labour mess> do not mutually exclude. No. I suppose you’re right there.
<Say> “I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
</Say> “Exterminate English hegemony!”
