The new Cliff Richard... Robbie Williams. Photograph: Frazer Harrison/Getty
Robbie Williams is not a "British hero", as a BBC-sponsored vote once incredibly claimed. He's not even an "all-round entertainer". As Noel Gallagher famously said, he's an all round crap dancer who can't sing too well either. He truly is the new Cliff Richard for our generation, and who in their right mind wants one of them?
He was rubbish in Take That, and they were an atrocity of a band - God help us now they're back. Yet solo, he's even worse than they are! No wonder the Yanks don't want him no matter how much money the CEO of EMI throws at it. They were almost giving the last CD away for free in the States and still nobody bought one.
I actually despair when people who know about music credit him with substance, or mention him in the same breath as Michael Jackson or Elton John. These people are brilliant, world class musical talents. Robbie's just a showbiz chancer. I remember him hanging around the Oasis caravan at Glastonbury in 1995. Unfortunately, he never really went away after that in our lives.
To me, Robbie Williams is a crime against music. It's people like him who are destroying British pop culture. He has 1% of Mick Jagger's talent. He's the post-9/11 feelgood factor. He doesn't mean anything - he's utterly vacant. If Robbie Williams is what sells then give me any unsigned band in a garage any day of the week. At least they'll love music. Robbie Williams is music for people who don't feel - or the payment on the mortgage, if you work for EMI.
