Name: Brontë Society.
Age: 123 years.
Membership: Currently between 1,500 and 1,600.
Raison d’être: “Running the famous Brontë Parsonage Museum in the picturesque village of Haworth in West Yorkshire, once the home of the Brontë family, [and] promoting the Brontës’ literary legacy within contemporary society.”
Just remind me what the Brontës’ literary legacy is again? Mr Rochester, madwoman in the attic, sexy Heathcliff, Cathy’s ghost, wandering on moors, alcoholism.
Gotcha. And the Brontës were? Three early Victorian sisters, Charlotte, Emily and Anne, who wrote bestselling novels now considered masterpieces, and their brother Branwell, who wrote nothing considered much at all. All died young from tuberculosis, except Charlotte, who died young from pregnancy complications instead.
Dying of tuberculosis is such a cliche. Tell that to Keats and Kafka. And it hasn’t hurt the Brontës’ memory, which is getting a further boost now that it’s the bicentenary of Charlotte’s birth, with Branwell’s to follow next year, Emily’s the year after and Anne’s in 2020.
Wow. So how is the Brontë Society marking these exciting anniversaries? By shouting at each other and resigning.
Oh dear. At its AGM on Saturday, members heard that five people from the governing council had stepped down since Christmas. The chair, John Thirlwell, was barracked, causing him to reply: “I’m just trying to deliver my report, if that’s all right with you.” Former chair Alexandra Lesley tried to explain why she left the post after just six months (“a lot of bad behaviour”), but was cut off after her allotted three minutes, upon which another member began “screaming” the words “let her finish” repeatedly until he was threatened with expulsion.
Crumbs. What are they all so angry about? That’s a little murky. They seem to have split into two factions, the “modernisers” and the “conservatives”, who are now battling for the society’s soul.
I see. A bit like Iran then, or the Labour party? Yes. One conservative said that when she saw the modernisers’ new rules, “I felt like I had come into the Stasi!” There was even a failed attempt to exclude a journalist who was taking notes.
Pesky journalists. Putin and Erdoğan and Morsi wouldn’t stand for this. No indeed.
Do say: “The society needs a strong leader who can restrict the media and declare martial law.”
Don’t say: “How about Sepp Blatter? He seems to be out of work.”
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