"Nice to see you, to see you ..." "Brilliant!"
Oh nonononononono! Cowabunga! I don't belieeeeeeeeeve it! You plonker!
"Nice" was the required answer, of course, but it's part of the whole question that's been bugging me all day - What is the natural lifespan of the comedy punchline, exactly? Does a good catchphrase ever go cold?
Well, I say yeah. But no. But yeah. But no. But yeah. Of, course, some might say they never tire of hearing schoolchildren on the bus shouting about being "the only gay in the village", arguing that this demonstrates the longevity of comedy catchphrase and the common parlance. Some might say they never get bored of Little Britain. And perhaps they'd have a perfectly valid point. NOT!
Sorry, sorry, I can hear the masses now, saying with one voice: "Watchoo talkin bout, Willis?!" And you're all right. I should just let it lie. I'm being a freakin' idiot. And I would have got away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids. But you're right. So now for something completely different ... You want the picks of tonight's TV, taken from this weeks Guide, you say? Well, suits you...
Bleak House 8pm, BBC1 "I shall do very well with my friends about me," says Esther. Ever practical, she'd rather celebrate her good fortune at still being alive rather than dwell on the scarring left by smallpox. However, some sadness does creep in: Esther now thinks it's pointless to hope to marry heroic Woodcourt. Cue a chance for lovelorn Jarndyce to declare his feelings: will he manage not to fluff his lines this time? Plus Tulkinghorn gets ever nearer to discovering Lady Dedlock's secret. Tomorrow, Esther realises that Richard's new lawyer, vampiric Vholes, is out to draw the blood of his own client.
Jonathan Wright
Little Britain BBC1, 9pm Two strokes of genius in tonight's serving. Sebastian bursts into PM's question time and Andy is a contestant on Richard & Judy's You Say We Pay. The rest is more of the predicto-gag fodder we've come to know and love. They set them up, the nation finishes the sentence for them. Bubbles and Desiree's naked wrestling has become tired after two outings. But then they did spend a lot of money on the fat suits.
Julia Raeside
This World: Death Metal Murders 9pm, BBC2 Forget Ozzy's fondness for bats, this saga of ritual slaughter and death metal, Italian-style, shows that this scene's preoccupations with violence and Satanism sometimes proves all too fatal. Yet despite the "brutal, ritualised" Milanese slaughter, it's not all doom and gloom. As convicted multiple murderer Mario Maccione points out, "Of the millions of people who listen to metal music no one has ever been involved in anything like this." Well, quite.
Joss Hutton
Dr Strangelove 8pm, Sky Cinema 1 Satirical comedy at its blackest from the late Kubrick, with barking mad General Jack T Ripper (Sterling Hayden) deliberately launching a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union. Peter Sellers plays US President Merkin Muffley, desperately trying to preserve the somewhat shaken peace; he also plays loopy adviser Strangelove and RAF pilot Lionel Mandrake. George C Scott's chief of staff doesn't see what all the fuss is about: "No more than 10 or 20 million people will be killed."
Phil Howlett
Bamboozle: The Secret TV Game Show 11pm, E4 A self-referential game show that challenges contestants to manipulate the media. Three women have spent the last six months trying to get exposure in any way possible. And the upshot of all this? Some wry asides on the media, and the one who is most famous at the end wins. Take Caroline: she scammed Philip Schofield on Good Morning into believing that she was a new age guru; or Chloe, who got onto Big Brother's Little Brother with a campaign to get Derek elected as the Conservative leader. All it proves is that the media don't have time to do background checks, love a wacky idea, and don't really care whether it's true or not.
Clare Birchall
30 Days: The Grid 9pm, More4 So far, this series has been a chance to laugh at how naive the average American is about the world beyond their doorstep. But this episode, which takes two friends from the city to see how they will fare in an ecological community in Missouri, demonstrates what is necessary if you want to live with minimal environmental impact. It's more than buying a hybrid car — it's toilets that don't flush, no electricity from the grid and no deodorant. Though the city-clickers bitch and moan through their 30 days, ask yourself how much you're really prepared to sacrifice.
Martin Skegg
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I can't seriously believe that there are people out there not bored of Little Britain yet, are there? Really?
Sorry - I shouldn't go on (go on, go on, go on, go on...).
