Thursday. It's the new Friday. No, hang on, that was salsa dancing, wasn't it? Salsa dancing was the new Friday. Then Black was the new Salsa Dancing, then documentaries were the new punk, football was the new shopping, and McFly was the new euphemism for something stinky at the back of the fridge.
Oh hell. I lose track of what's still whatever it is and what's been replaced by the new "it".
All I know is that Thursday is the new TV night round these parts. Firstly because Project Catwalk (SkyONE, 8pm) is certainly the new America's Next Top Model. Yes! It's that bad! It's brilliant! Yes, bad is the new good, as sure as Liz Hurley, presenting it, is the new plywood. Ikea are bringing out a full range of Hurley kitchens, as a matter of fact, I've heard, made out of real Liz. With oven doors held on by safety pins. Seriously. Well, possibly.
Anyway. Boston Legal (Living, 10pm) actually IS the new Ally McBeal, almost literally. And House is the new ... well, it's the new Friday. It's the new raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. It's the new black. And for those who want to leave themselves nothing to watch on Friday (if Friday even exists anymore, who knows), there's also My Name is Earl (E4, 10.30pm), which is the new ... something. The new (ish) series starring Jason Lee. That'll do.
And there's plenty more to amuse the more serious-minded and high-falutin' among us too, as evidenced by the picks of the day, from this week's Guide. Oooh, there's The Culture Show on BBC2 - it's the new reading, apparently...
The Culture Show 7pm, BBC2 Whether you're interested in hearing more about Sarah Waters' eagerly awaited new novel set in 1940s England, the impending court action being taken against Dan Brown for allegedly ripping off that conspiracy classic The Holy Blood And The Holy Grail, the Tate's Gothic Nightmares exhibition, or cult director Werner Herzog's new movie, Grizzly Man, there's something here to suit everyone's taste. Look out too for a report into a new campaign that could force acts to announce their lip-synching antics.
Clare Birchall
Challenger: Countdown To Disaster 9pm, C4 A look at the disintegration of America's shuttle dream which centres upon the unheeded warnings given by Roger Boisjoly, an engineer with Nasa contractors Morton Thiokol, whose work on the Challenger was worth "over a billion dollars". And the reason why Challenger's seven person crew perished in a colossal fireball on January 28, 1986? As this rather well-staged docu-drama reconfirms, the fault lay with a relatively simple rubber fuel tank ring, and in massive corporate denial.
Joss Hutton
House 10pm, Five Where House hobbles, sexual tension follows close behind. All the women around him have either got the T-shirt or they're jostling to wear it next. Tonight the lolly-sucking medical marvel treats Cuddy's handyman for a suspected rat bite. But of course it's not a rat bite. It's a baffling, rapidly progressing malady with dramatic symptoms that require in-depth investigation by House's fine-looking cohort of sexy docs. They haven't lost one yet. Hugh "Golden Globe" Laurie gives this sub-Scrubs medi-fest a touch of sizzle.
Julia Raeside
Project Catwalk 8pm, Sky One Slick "Hustle"-style production and snippy MTV graphics -- with tape measures interspersed -- aren't enough to varnish over Sky's dreadful faux pas: getting lacklustre Liz Hurley to front this hilariously bad series. As if her aspirational Basingstoke-gone-jetset accent and dead fish stare as she commands another of the incredulous contestants to "please leave the catwalk", isn't enough, the judges include Sadie Frost and Jemima French. Crikey. This week the nine would-be designers have to come up with something for Kelly Osbourne.
Danielle Proud
Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster (Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, 2004) 10pm, FilmFour Originally intended to be a simple document on the making of Metallica's St Anger album -- a disc only slightly less painful to listen to than it was to record -- this quickly turns into an impressively unique take on the "rockumentary". Metallica are one of those bands that are huge despite most of us not knowing a single person who owns one of their albums. But the friction and lack of communication that propels bands during their early years turns into a weird, unhealthy dynamic when stretched over 20 years. So the dysfunctional metallers employ expensive old-rope salesman Phil Towle as a metal guru to mediate their two-decade-long band arguments. Hilarious and strangely moving. Mostly hilarious, though.
Phelim O'Neill
Mischief: Travels With My Beard 10.30pm, BBC3 The bit of mischief this week concerns a man with a beard -- more precisely, a man with a beard who looks like the popular conception of a Muslim fundamentalist. Rajesh comes to post-July-bombings London to discover how much looks count when it comes to the British public. He heads to Bradford, Leeds and Birmingham to speak to other people with beards and finds out what the rest of the local community makes of it. Are people really religiously intolerant over a bit of facial hair?
Martin Skegg
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The sharp-eyed readers among you will have noticed that these are exactly the same TV previews that I put up last Thursday, in a fit of extreme, if not uncharacteristic, idiocy.
I would like to apologise to anyone who noticed, although since no one pointed it out, I am led to the conclusion that either a) This segment has no sharp-eyed readers, or more depressingly still, b) The segment has no readers whatsoever, apart from people who like to publicly state they don't watch television, who wouldn't have noticed anyway, ergo...
Oh, ergo nothing. Blogging without readers is the new Friday, you know.
*humph*
