There are so many things I could say about today, Thursday September 15. I could say it's Prince Harry's birthday. I could tell you that on this day in 1954 was filmed the famous blowing up of Marilyn Monroe's skirt from the film The Seven Year Itch. Sorry, that's 'blowing up' as in 'inflating with large amount of wind', rather than 'exploding'. And should also, I realise, clarify for younger readers that the large amount of wind wasn't actually Marilyn's, it was third party wind.
I could say that on this day in 1928 Alexander Fleming made the first breakthough in discovering penicillin, or that on this day in 1964 the mighty Sun newspaper was launched. I'm sure that there are many other facts about seemingly abhorrent mould-like phenomena that nevertheless went on to become beloved by the British, particularly the slightly unwell British, public. But I shan't. I shall instead say this:
There's some telly on tonight. Find out what that telly might be, with the picks of the day from this week's Guide...
Horizon 9pm, BBC2 "What if the world were so strange we could never hope to understand it? And science was wasting its time trying to do so?" That's the thesis underlined by tonight's Horizon, pitting a group of influential, if broadly unsung, physicists against Stephen Hawking and his dominance of the scientific arena. There is a gulf, they say, between the public perception of the man, and the opinions of his community — but who's to say any of them are on the money?
Ali Catterall
ITV 50: 49 Up 9pm, ITV1 The ultimate reality show marks its golden anniversary with another look at how the class of 1964 are faring as they amble past middle-age. Familiar faces include Tony the jockey, who gave it all up to become a taxi driver, before expressing a desire to tread the boards — then cheated on wife Debbie (thus fulfilling at least one criteria of showbiz); and Neil — with the markedly eventful life: happy at 7, homeless at 28, and a Lib Dem councillor at 42.
Ali Catterall
Underground Britain 9.50pm, BBC2 Saul Dibb starts off filming a straightforward documentary about "property tycoon" Spencer Michael, but ends up with TV dynamite. The self-styled training guru holds courses on how to be like him. The first one is free. He claims he went from the dole to multi-millionaire in 19 months. Then it happens. One of his employees leaves the company. And he's not happy. Spencer must be kicking himself for signing those release forms now. Absolutely brilliant.
Julia Raeside
A Very English Village 9pm, BBC4 Part of the Storyville series, this edition purports to be about the upheavals wrought on Ditchville, a typical English village, by contemporary life. However, it turns out to be what feels like one-sided propaganda for the pro-hunt lobby masquerading as documentary. Soon-to-be-retired master of hounds Gary helps lead the fight against the imminent ban, while the overlong programme is padded out with dull footage of harvest festival preparations and the like. There are familiar moans about how city folk "don't understand us", but it'd help if in explaining why people are desperate to continue massacring small animals for fun, something more illuminating than "it's our way of life" was offered.
Dave Simpson
The Ultimate Gambler 10pm, Challenge Filmed in Louisiana before Katrina wreaked havoc, it's eerie watching Cole Parker, professional gamer, gamble in the now devastated streets. He loses hundreds shooting craps in New Orleans: he loses playing Texas Hold'em at an illegal poker game: he loses at the horses in Baton Rouge and he loses betting on where a chicken will poo in deepest cajun country. But it's OK, because he wins $3 in a bar game called bourre. Parker started the series with £15,000. He's losing it fast and there are another 12 episodes to go. Next week he loses money in Miami.
Clare Birchall
Reno 911! 9pm, FX Despite coming ages after everyone else had tired of spoofing reality shows and cop dramas, this spoof reality cop show is packed with all the gags others were too witless to think off. Tonight Lt Jim Dangle has been promoted but his leaving do clashes with a female basketball match that everyone is anxious to attend. Cue a succession of scenes as sad, funny and sharp as anything offered up by The Office — but with guns. If you don't have a favourite comedy show at the moment then let this one apply for the position. If anything, it's overqualified.
Phelim O'Neill
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Incidentally, I'd just like to mention that on this day in 608CE, Saint Boniface became pope. Admittedly, I'd only like to mention that because I'm under the apprehension that Boniface is pronouced 'Boney-face' and is therefore funny, which it probably isn't. Still the thought amused me for a matter of minutes, which is better than Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps has ever done, and that's got to be saying something.
[Any errors on the dates are not my fault, they're Wikipedia's]
