I could, if I wanted to, go on and on and on at length about the fact that it's eviction night on Organ Grinder (and of course Digital Spy, Radio Times and many many amateur blogs - yes, that's right, there are other Bog Bloggeratings available; they just aren't as good) so I won't. I may, of course, point out that Charlie Brooker was very funny on the subject, but I'll say nothing else. Honestly.
Well, I'll say this - yes, Big Brother IS on - and many many people will be watching it - but there's also plenty of other super-telly on for those who are above or just beyond it. Find out what with tonight's picks, taken from this week's Guide...
Buildings That Shaped Britain 8pm, Five First of an eight-part series examining the last thousand years of British history through its enduring bricks and mortar and what they say about the nation. Architectural historian Simon Thurley kicks things off with the Norman Conquest, which he describes as "Britain's architectural year zero". The last great invasion of this dear old sceptr'd isle saw mass destruction of Anglo Saxon buildings to make way for an impressive construction programme of Norman cathedrals and castles.
David Stubbs
Terry Jones' Barbarians 9pm, BBC2 The Romans had good reason to fear the Black Forests of Germania. Garrisons went in; garrisons didn't come out. So it's easy to buy the story of subhuman hordes sacking Rome on August 27, 410 AD, swimming in blood and stupidity. Trouble is, that supposition is rubbish. As archeological finds show, these sophisticated, so-called Barbarians (who had roadways before the Romans) had no interest in overthrowing the Empire. Rome did that itself -- but had better spin doctors.
Ali Catterall
Tricks From The Bible 11.05pm, C4 Following on from their festive special, The Magic Of Jesus, gloriously annoying young illusionists Barry Jones and Stuart MacLeod decamp to Egypt, turning their massively-gelled craniums towards some more big tricks from the big book, including such fave raves as the pillar of salt, creating plagues, and that old walking stick-into-serpent chestnut. Yes, it's all very silly -- but many thrills await, not least the duo's use of Happy Mondays stooge Bez.
Joss Hutton
Team America: World Police (Trey Parker, 2004) 9.35pm, Sky Movies 2 Just who exactly is this hilarious film mocking? Pretty much everybody, it seems. Politically it's hard to pin down, right and left are mocked and praised, actors and action movies are more clearly defined targets -- "MATT DAMON!" While the rest of America is still stalled in addressing the so-called war on terror in movies, the South Park team rushed out this incredibly well realised puppet satire. It has all the sharp wit mixed with toilet humour you'd expect, with all the lame-brained exposition-filled dialogue that blockbusters are still filled with -- "Cairo... that's in Egypt" is a line worthy of The Da Vinci Code.
Phelim O'Neill
Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band 40th Anniversary Celebration 10pm, BBC4 If comedy had Monty Python, then music had the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. This is a tribute to the surreal jazz-rock collective, who became popular with their song Urban Spaceman. Much liked by the Beatles, their influence is far-reaching: they even gave a name to Seth Cohen's favourite band, Death Cab For Cutie. Afterwards, there's a repeat of Canyons Of His Mind, which profiles the life of Vivian Stanshall.
John Robinson
Prostitution 11pm, Sky One First of a three-part history of prostitution. Lucy Moore's series affects a high-minded tone. "This series will," she insists, be "looking at the history of civilisation through the lens of prostitution", no less. Tonight's episode, agonisingly titled Harlots & Holy Hookers does quite well on this front, overcoming the incredibly annoying soundtrack and fatuous reconstructions without which no modern documentary is complete, to present a capable examination of the roots of prostitution in ancient civilisations. The Sumerians in particular were keen on sex as a form of worship, and wrote terrible poetry in its honour.
Andrew Mueller
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Oh, and I'll say this as well - if Sezer doesn't leave the house tonight, there's something seriously wrong with the teenage female population of this country. That is all.
