You know what I hate? Summer in the office. Also, birthdays in the office. Also - talking head shows.
See? I could be on Grumpy Old Men (10pm, BBC2). Well, I could if I was a man. And old. And didn't hate talking head shows. Quite grumpy though, mind.
Still, who could be grumpy when there are such rich pickings to be had from the telly of vision? No one. Surely. And you can find out why, with tonight's top picks from the Guide...
Unreported World 7.35pm, C4 Catholic Manila in the Philippines is a pro-life city where right-wing American groups exert a strong influence. Contraceptives are difficult to obtain, and abortion is illegal. One depressingly predictable result is that every year 80,000 Filipina women end up in hospital after backstreet abortions. In a harrowing documentary, reporter Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy and director Robin Barnwell meet those poor and desperate enough to risk such a termination. Meanwhile, mayor Lito Atienza blithely claims the illegal clinics are going out of business.
Jonathan Wright
Grumpy Old Men 10pm, BBC2 At some point, each of the thesps, comedians and captains of industry who appear week after week must reluctantly admit some culpability for their grievances with the modern world. This time, it's Sir Tim Rice's turn to dob himself in, during a tirade against the Sunday Times' annual Rich List. But, never fear, there's still much for our ever-vigilant windbags to complain about, including dinner party discussions regarding house prices, adverts for debt consolidation, the royal family and Brian Sewell.
Joss Hutton
Comedy Lab 11.05pm, C4 More experiments from up and coming comedy talent. Alex Zane's House Of Games challenges four people to a series of ridiculous games, including communing with the spirit of Rod Hull. The winner gets a paid month off work. Slap, meanwhile, parodies celeb culture and women's magazines. Katy Brand does star impressions of Kate Moss and the like, and invents new characters such as Bad Nun. No prizes for guessing what she's about.
Martin Skegg
In Good Company (Paul Weitz, 2004) 8pm, Sky Movies 2 Sub-Capra morality tale that pits old-fashioned business ethics against modern corporate America. An uninspired Dennis Quaid plays magazine advertising salesman Dan. Topher Grace plays Carter, a young hotshot called in to take over Dan's job. The plot, such as there is one, relies largely on Dan suddenly having a boss young enough to be his son. Love interest is provided by Scarlett Johansson who materialises in the form of Dan's daughter. But even her famous pout can't lighten up a tale burdened by nostalgia for a time when sensitivity rather than synergy was the order of the day.
Clare Birchall
Girls And Boys - Sex And British Pop 9pm, BBC4 Taking as its cue Larkin's assertion that "sexual intercourse began in 1963", this series (first shown on BBC2) is a decent enough primer. Funniest moments are juxtaposed footage of James Brown's dancing and Mick Jagger's fumble-footed attempts to imitate him, and David Bowie in 1964 protesting at the slights suffered by long-hairs like himself. Ironies and hypocrisies abound - many of pop's earliest managers, producers and songwriters were gay, playing a pawn game with their roster of heteros, while obliged to hide their own love away. Instructive viewing.
David Stubbs
Being John Malkovich (Spike Jonze, 1999) 10pm, More4 Successfully deranged comedy exploring romantic paranoia, celebrity delusion and artistic frustration that's always worth another look - if only for the "Malkovich? Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich..." scene. John Cusack's a washed-up puppeteer who gets a "real job", then discovers his new office has a hidden room that leads to a portal inside John Malkovich's head. Catherine Keener (recently great as Harper Lee in Capote) and Cameron Diaz in full negative-glam mode find themselves falling into a complicated romance, while Malkovich himself is funnier than you'd ever have expected.
Richard Vine
________________________________
Which I won't be watching any of, of course, because it is my birthday. (Will try to be home in time for My Name is Earl though. Obviously.)
