I was flying over Dubai the other day when I noticed... Well, nothing much, to be fair, I've just always wanted to start a sentence like that. Still, until last week I never thought about Dubai at all, apart from to ponder the dearth of good rhyming words. But now, all of a sudden, it's everywhere.
Dubai isn't everywhere, of course - that would be illogical. Although according to this article today, everywhere will soon be in Dubai, and I can't really see that that's any less bizarre. So Dubai may be everywhere, or nowhere, or may simply be in Dubai - or everywhere may be in Dubai, but...
No, I'm lost. I'm lost, I'm confused, and I'm not even sure that Dubai is a word any more. It's on telly tonight, as well, though. I think that's where I was going. I give up. There's some other stuff on as well, of course. And you can find out about all of it/them/whatever, with our picks of tonight's TV, as taken from this week's Guide.
Dubai Dreams 8pm, BBC2 It's not all trying to see who can build the biggest, fanciest skyscraper at the expense of those at the poorest end of the scale, or make the most money out of property-investing foreigners who haven't even visited the country. After all, what would be the point in profiteering without a good ol' party? Here, Dubai's answer to Hello! Magazine — Ahlan! — hosts a do to celebrate the hottest 100 people in Dubai. Wanna bet they have a Posh'n'Becks too?
Katrina Dixon
A Midsummer Night's Dream 8.30pm, BBC1 The BBC's season of contemporary reworkings of Shakespearan plots continues with Peter Bowker's witty relocation of A Midsummer Night's Dream to a family weekend in a Center Parcs-style holiday camp. The celebration of an engagement descends into chaos when the lover of one of the betrothed interrupts proceedings. Viewers who know the play will appreciate the homage, and those who don't will enjoy a superior romantic comedy, ably carried by a cast including Bill Paterson, and Johnny Vegas — who all but steals it.
Andrew Mueller
Sleeping With Teacher 11pm, C4 Exploring the frowned-upon relationships between kid and teacher. And they are kids. Jon (43) has impregnated his 16-year-old pupil Claire. Lucy (30) smoked pot with a 15-year-old boy, then bedded him. "I'm on the sex offenders' register," she breezily tells the interviewer as she massages a client. He doesn't look up. Funny how Mrs Robinson is seen as fruity, but Humbert Humbert is a big perv.
Julia Raeside
Shakespeare's Happy Endings 10pm, BBC4 Down the years, the Bard's work has been reinterpreted and rewritten over and over to suit the sensibilities of different ages. Taking on the persona of irritating Professor Simon Starkman, Patrick Barlow explains the indignities visited on Shakespeare's texts — from Nathan Tate giving King Lear a happy ending through to Thomas Bowdler expunging sex, vulgarity and violence (hence "bowdlerise") to create the Family Shakespeare . A piss-take of the docu-drama format that's more clever than funny, unless you find the idea of an autograph-hunter called Desdemona funny.
Jonathan Wright
Francis Fulford: Why England's F***ked 9pm, Sky One Francis Fulford, the reasonably charming upper-class twit made famous by a documentary on his family, spends a week going around Britain to air all his grievances on political correctness, architecture, metrosexuals and modern life in general. He does make some good points — the fact that nobody seems to know anything about British history is certainly evidence of an educational pitfall — but his prejudices are mainly a product of his own laziness as he plays up to a stereotype of the eccentric country squire.
Will Hodgkinson
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (Michel Gondry, 2004) 10pm, Sky Movies 3 A Jim Carrey film that'll make you forget all the Dumb And Dumbers on his CV. Charlie "Being John Malkovich" Kaufman's script comes to life in Gondry's wildly fluent direction, with both of their stylistic tricks serving the story of Carrey finding that ex Kate Winslet has had him wiped from her memory. It all builds into a passionate dissection of modern love, that sidesteps the usual Hollywood corniness to ask: if you knew how a relationship was going to end, would you do it again?
Richard Vine
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*Sigh*.
Ooooh, sigh rhymes with Dubai! So there we have it. It's possible to find something, if you try.
OOOOOH! 'You try' rhymes too!
Excellent.
