I have to admit I've never wondered what it might be like to have seven husbands. Not that I'd ever have the chance to find out. Polygamy - popular in some cultures, not so much in others, but somehow it's always men who get all the wives, and never women who get to have as many husbands as they like. Funny, isn't it? Still, I suppose it's in my best interest. What would be so great about having seven husbands anyway? I'd be all sore, my hands would be permanently wrinkled from dishwater, and think of all the ironing I'd have to do - there'd barely be time to get dinner on the table when three of them got home, let alone the rest. I'm kidding.
A programme about a British man with seven wives has kicked this little train of thought off (BBC4, 10pm). And while the Storyville series are usually extremely trustworthy, qualitywise, I have to say the idea makes me quite nauseous, so I'm not sure if it'll rip me from the safe, loving arms of CSI (Five, from 9pm). I don't know, there's just something about the line, "A remarkable portrait of a British man who has taken multiple wives as a step toward spiritual fulfilment" that makes me want to kick someone in the... anyway - what else is on TV tonight? Let's find out, with the picks of tonight's best, taken from this week's Guide...
Kirstie And Phil: Where Best To Invest 8pm, C4 Hour-long special on where you can still bag a bargain in the overblown housing market. Similar to Kirstie and Phil's Worst Places In Britain, the duo -- or rather their researchers -- have trawled through findings from all 434 local authorities in the UK and pinpointed hot micro economies in each area - the places worth investing in. Much of it is common sense - young people moving in, shops opening up, etc - but the bite-size format, exhaustive research and wanting to know if your area is included make it addictive. Kirstie's own flat features in a bit on how to become a landlord for the sticky beaks among us, too.
Danielle Proud
Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs 10pm, C4 Finally screened now that various legal messes surrounding lottery winner Michael Carroll have been resolved. It wasn't worth the wait. Keith Allen goes to meet "Mikey" to find out the fascinating truth behind the tabloid stories. Meat-head has more money than sense. The end. It is nauseating to watch Keith smarming up to him. He says it's in the name of getting to the real Michael, but the real Michael is unremarkable.
Julia Raeside
The Godfather And The Mob 11.05pm, C4 Coppola's The Godfather needs no introduction; all the same, you'd better make it a deeply respectful one. Here's the hilarious story of what happened when they announced they were going to turn Mario Puzo's soapy thriller into a movie. The mafia, with mind-boggling chutzpah, grumped it was anti-American-Italian and attempted to halt production; ensured all references to the "mafia" became "The Family"; insisted on editing the script; and helped themselves to bit-parts. "It's not personal. It's strictly business."
Ali Catterall
Sleeper Cell 9pm, FX Only three episodes in, and this notionally interesting, initially intriguing, drama about an undercover FBI spook inflitrating a US-based al-Qaida cell has ventured irrecoverably from the strictures of plausibility. In tonight's instalment, the oddly hapless terrorists visit Tijuana. In between further Janet and John agonising about the righteousness of their methods, they negotiate funding from Mexican Mafiosi - who, if any more risibly cliched, would have ridden into shot on donkeyback, snoozing beneath sombreros. And the longer Sleeper Cell goes on, the harder it is to suppress the realisation that the last time acting like this graced an espionage thriller, it was in Spy Hard.
Andrew Mueller
Thief 10pm, Sky One Nick's struggling to hold it all together as the pressures of work (stealing $40 million from the government) and home (wife died in a car crash, stepdaughter Tammi saw him shoot a "business associate" by the pool) start to mount up. Meanwhile moody cop Michael "Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer" Rooker is looking to get out of his career hole, and mob man Vincent's still not happy about the score last week. Bit daft, but works well overall.
Richard Vine
Storyville: Philip And His Seven Wives 10pm, BBC4 Philip Sharp's domestic arrangements are what can only be termed a little unconventional. He lives in Hove and has seven "wives" -- not in the legal sense but in a union they all believe is sanctioned by God. It started six years ago when Philip had visions which he interpreted as commands from God to become a modern Hebrew king, which involves taking multiple wives. Once a messianic rabbi, Philip claims it's about spiritual, not sexual, fulfillment - though there is no doubt he runs his household as a patriarch. It's an insightful enquiry into a very different lifestyle.
Martin Skegg
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There is one situation in which I support the idea of polygamy, I have to say. That Kirsty Allsop and Phil Spencer of Location Location Location and tonight's 'Where Best To Invest'; they should be married.
I think it should be a legal obligation for TV couples to be married to each other, as well as to whoever else they actually wanted to be married to in real life. It is only right and proper. I think I was more disappointed when I found out Phil and Kirsty weren't married than when I found out my own parents were getting divorced. It was certainly more of a shock.
