I was an extra once. Last year of drama school. There was a girl band from Manchester so successful (they had two moderately placed songs in the charts) that they were given a TV show. The TV show was a pretty low-key affair, but it seems they decided to splash out on the Christmas special, bringing in Keith Harris and Orville, Sooty, Steps, assorted Gladiators and other big names.
Although they'd decided to risk the expense of extras, they could only afford five of us, so should you happen to have seen Cleopatra's Christmas Special 1998, you may have noticed us in every single shot - hairdressers one moment, scene-shifters two seconds later - then the bell would ring and in we would walk, well-dressed party guests, before suddenly becoming the on-screen camera crew filming ourselves dancing to Steps. As experiences go, it was rubbish. We were paid peanuts, and had to listen to the same Steps song 25 times.
I only mention this, of course, because I'm excited about the debut episode of Extras (BBC2, 9pm), the new series from Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant - only one of our exciting picks of tonight's television, taken from this week's Guide, and today's Guardian.
Extras 9pm, BBC2 Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's comedy series about a professional film extra who can't get proper acting work. Tonight Andy (Gervais) and friend Maggie (Ashley Jenson) play war-torn Bosnians in Ben Stiller's worthy new movie. The star cameos make each episode an event, while the funniest dialogue is always between Andy and his useless agent (Merchant). And although Andy puts his foot in it royally most of the time, he comes off best quite a lot too. Ben Stiller: "Do you know who I am?" Andy: "It's either Starsky or Hutch. I can never remember." Brilliant.
Julia Raeside
Dispatches 9pm, C4 This documentary is as complete a televisual telling as could be imagined of last September's attack on a school in Beslan by Chechen extremists. It is inevitably depressing, from the interviews with traumatised survivors to the film the bewilderingly proud terrorists shot inside the school, to the almost unwatchable footage of parents waiting helplessly outside. It's the mindless ruthlessness of the terrorists that shocks: forcing children to drink urine, making mothers bargain for their families. A useful reminder that Islamist terrorists are not crusaders for the oppressed, but cruel, dim-witted bullies.
Andrew Mueller
The Catherine Tate Show 9.30pm, BBC2 The brilliant Nan is back for the second series, as is belligerent teen Lauren, who continues to be unbothered by the world around her. Fingers crossed that overly dramatic upper-middle-class Mum has made it back too. New characters include a very competitive dog trainer and a woman who often experiences difficulties with flatulence. Catherine Tate is great.
Julia Raeside
Survivors
9pm, ITV1 Paul Abbott lends his script-editing services to this series of six reconstructions in which people manage to cheat death and survive great adversity. Penny and Duncan Ridgley start things off: they and their three young children had just arrived in Sri Lanka on Christmas Day with the intention of living by the sea for 18 months. The following day, of course, saw devastation on a breathtaking scale created by the Boxing Day tsunami. While the real Ridgleys recount their terrible ordeal in often affecting detail, actors re-enact the events with a script that, thanks partially to Abbott, has a convincing ring of truth about it.
Mary Novakovich Fat Actress 9pm, FX In Hollywood, where just thinking about carbs is a criminal offence, a fat actress is an unemployable actress. So what's a gal to do once her body starts to imitate a sumo wrestler? If you're Kirstie Alley you make a show about being a fat actress in a thin town. Star cameos (John Travolta in this first episode) and politically incorrect humour warrant a Curb Your Enthusiasm comparison. Like Larry David's series, Alley improvises within a broad outline; but while Alley is a competent comedian, this unscripted dialogue falls way short of David's unique genius. Nevertheless, it's always good to see Hollywood not taking itself too seriously.
Clare Birchall
Of course, it's just a shame that Extras and Fat Actress happened to be on on the same day - else I could have told you about the time I was stuck in a lift with Bella Emberg and that Dingle from Emmerdale who went on to present You've Been Framed. Maybe next time. I'm far more excited about Extras, anyway.
