Well, why would you even consider going out? That's right, even though it's Monday (or perhaps because of that) there's some cracking television on tonight. Or is there? I may be lying. I may not.
Find out by checking out our picks of the day, from this week's Guide and today's Guardian.
Megastructures 7.15pm, Five "A speed freak's dream come true" is how the Five press release describes Germany's Autobahn, the subject of this edition. Much of the 7,500 miles of Autobahn has no speed limit and this has spawned a "generation of turbo-charged supercars". With drivers reaching speeds of 180mph, accidents are pretty much inevitable.
Neil Crossley
Battle for Islam 9pm, BBC2 In this documentary, British writer Ziauddin Sardar visits five prominent Muslim countries - Turkey, Pakistan, Morocco, Indonesia and Malaysia - to demonstrate how government leaders, intellectuals and opinion formers are now seeking new interpretations of Islam, and offering a far more tolerant approach to other faiths and cultures. In the course of the film, Sardar meets with ordinary Muslims, many of whom now find themselves caught between the reformers and the fundamentalists.
Neil Crossley
Marian, Again 9pm, ITV1 Stephen Tompkinson stars in this two-part drama as family man Chris, who is shocked to catch sight of former girlfriend Marian after believing for the last 15 years that she was in fact dead. His determination to find out what happened rapidly turns into an obsession, and places Marian and his own family in danger at the hands of her husband, Bernie.
Neil Crossley
Tottenham Ayatollah Revisited 8pm, C4 In 1997, when Islamist extremism was still somebody else's problem, Jon Ronson spent a year profiling cleric Omar Bakri Mohammed. In a post-7/7 world, the resulting film gets a re-screening with a new introduction from Ronson. The government says Bakri won't be allowed to return to the UK and certainly his anti-Semitic, anti-homosexual views are distasteful; but Ronson (himself Jewish) also manages to convey, via mundane details, the absurdities of Bakri's mission to turn Britain into an Islamist state — jihad training in a Crawley scout hut etc. JW
The Man Who Predicted 9/11 9pm,C4 One person who wasn't surprised four years ago was Rick Rescorla, security chief for Morgan Stanley, whose offices were in the Twin Towers. This excellent film tells Rescorla's curious story, from Cornwall boyhood to American army officer in Vietnam, and explains how he became convinced, after the WTC was bombed in 1993, that it would be attacked again, next time from the air. As a result, he implemented evacuation procedures credited with saving 2,700 Morgan Stanley employees.
Andrew Mueller
Bed And The Bardsleys 11.30pm, C4 Wife Swap's Lizzie Bardsley and her husband Mark answer their "critics" by taking on the challenge of running a B&B for a fortnight. They say that like we've actually been talking about them. Lizzie goes Awol on the first night, leaving Mark to clean the place. She's ragged after the effort of poaching an egg. Julie Goodyear comes to stay. Julie Goodyear changes her mind. Pointless.
Julia Raedside
Gerbil Plague 7pm, National Geographic For centuries, Khazak herders have eked out a living upon the arid grasslands of China's Xinjang province, a high-altitude "world of brutal extremes" that's part of the Gobi desert. However, this fragile ecosystem is now being changed forever, by a cute enemy who's "taking over from under", namely the Great Gerbil. Eating their way through "almost everything in sight", the furry horde has decimated an area "the size of Switzerland", prompting the Chinese government to marshal "an assault team of natural born predators", in the form of a squadron of gerbil-eating golden eagles.
Joss Holden
Horrors Of The Dentist 9pm, Sky One Even if you don't really have a problem with dentists or dentistry, you'll be wincing and covering your mouth with your hands within seconds of the start of this wicked piece of scaremongering — probably when you meet the woman who trusts dentists so little that she pulls her own problem teeth out with pliers. Your dentist may not have a PhD in sadism, but some seem to. Some poke around everywhere except your mouth when they put you under, others are merely incompetents who leave your gob looking worse than the average unkempt graveyard. "It wasn't until my teeth started falling out that I realised he'd done something wrong" is just one of the many quotes that'll have you running for your toothbrush.
Phelim O'Neill
Grey's Anatomy 9pm, Living TV Not too late to get into this new hospital drama. It follows fresh surgical interns at a Seattle hospital as they learn how to suture and endure sleep deprivation. Think Scrubs without the gags. If you're a fan of the genre, you'll recognise the balance between ongoing soapy drama and weekly cases. Strong characters and deadpan humour save it from the Ally McBealesque affectation that rears its ugly head every time Ellen Pompeo's voice-over starts pontificating about the meaning of life. And there is something of the Calista Flockhart about the woman.
Clare Birchall
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So does this count as the cream of all British television has to offer of a Monday night? Well, there's a programme about the German motorway system, one about dentists, and one about gerbils. And then, of course, there's Lizzie Bardsley. Sorry, need we discuss this further?
