All of a sudden the football seems to have started. Just when I thought it had gone away, never to bother me again, it's back. I do wish it wouldn't keep doing that.
Still, there's no football on television this evening. (Although you never know: just when you think you're safe it leaps out at you, and suddenly there are three thick-necked men on uncomfortable chairs talking unintelligibly about transfers, crossbars and double-footed tickle-tackling right-backed finger-lickin' winger-dingers. Or something.)
So enjoy it while you can - sit back and enjoy the completely soccer-free goodness of our picks of the day, from this week's Guide and today's Guardian. It won't last.
Roobarb And Custard Too 8.45am, Five It's an unalloyed pleasure to report that the return of Grange Calveley's open-hearted, green-hued cartoon canine, some three decades after he first wobbled across our screens, lacks the squirm-inducing, post-ecstasy in-jokes which afflicted the reinvention of the Magic Roundabout. Again narrated by Richard Briers, this update still centres upon Roobarb's shed-bound inventions — which now boast distinctly modern concepts — and the sarky comments of Custard, the gloriously arch, fence-sitting moggie. You're just going to have to be late for work, that's all there is to it.
Joss Hutton
The New Al-Qaida 9pm, BBC2 Peter Taylor travels to Pakistan — a training ground for al-Qaida and "the unsung hero" in the war against extremism. Here, the military and security have their work cut out attempting to track down people who believe "the best and shortest way to heaven is to fight for it", as one suicide bomber puts it. In something of a companion piece, Channel 4's Dispatches (8pm, C4) asks "Why Bomb London?" - have our politicians, through their policy decisions, brought this on themselves?
Ali Catterall
Transformed 9pm, ITV1 Three good-for-nothing husbands, who'd rather drink bin juice than help around the house, undergo 10 days in the Transformed House Of Correction as a bunch of TV experts try to turn them into useful members of the human race. Kate Marlow, the woman who "wants to change your thinking", delves into their psyches in an effort to get to the root of their dependence on the wife. Laziness. And because they can. That'll be a grand please.
Julia Raeside
Hollywood UK 9pm, BBC4 This rerun of Richard "A Hard Day's Night" Lester's 1993 series on British film-making in the 1960s continues. Julie Christie, Michael Caine and Terence Stamp are on hand to mark the moment the industry shifted from making gritty northern kitchen sink dramas to more entertaining films like Caine's Alfie, which follows at 9.45pm. Reach For The Sky and The Ipcress File are showing over the coming weeks.
Richard Vine
Iceberg Cowboys 10pm, Discovery Iceberg cowboys are the remarkable men who crew the supply ships which serve and protect oil rigs. The tasks undertaken by these ships range from such prosaic maintenance as delivering food to the rigs to the extremely dangerous work of deflecting 200,000-tonne icebergs whose path may threaten the rigs — or, if all else fails, moving the rigs themselves. This documentary provides an insight into the job and the men who do it, and includes some astonishing footage of the north Atlantic at the peak of its furies. A shame, though, about the irritating editing, overwrought narration and fatuous heavy metal soundtrack.
Andrew Mueller
Monster Moves 8pm, Five It's difficult to get too excited about computer graphics but those used in this series are impressive because they achieve the rare feat of actually enhancing your understanding of the content. This final programme focuses on two relics from the golden age of American rail - a 124-year-old station house in New Mexico, which is being moved for restoration, and two colossal vintage locomotives, destined for a rather perilous trip across the city of Omaha, Nebraska.
Neil Crossley
I grant you, one of these was on at 8.45am, so you've already missed it (unless you have some kind of Quantum Leap Accelerator, in which case, hats off to you) - but at least you'll know for tomorrow. And Wednesday, Thursday etc. Guess which one (and then try and get the theme tune out of your head, those of you of a certain age...)
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