Name: Boris Johnson’s jacket.
Age: New.
Appearance: Large, waterproof, Trump-esque.
Why Trump-esque? Is it bright orange? It is dark blue, but it is personalised.
What do you mean? It says “PRIME MINISTER” on it.
Why would anyone give Boris Johnson a jacket that says PRIME MINISTER on it? Is it some kind of joke? Have you been on holiday or something?
No, but I have been in a coma. What did I miss? Johnson, the actual prime minister, was given the Royal Navy foulie – or foul weather – jacket as a gift by the Ministry of Defence when he visited HMNB Clyde, a naval base in Faslane, Scotland.
This is a lot to take in. Trust me, most of Scotland feels the same.
The personalised touch does feel like an American thing. It’s certainly reminiscent of the “Commander-in-Chief” military clobber that US presidents wear with such pride when visiting military bases, or in Trump’s case, abiding irony.
Because he dodged the draft five times using the excuse of bone spurs in his feet? Yes, and because he looks silly in a flight jacket.
How did Johnson look in his foulie? Typically rumpled. Supremely unready for rough seas, gathering storms or long periods under water.
It’s a bit weird walking around with your name on your clothes – a little like having your mittens pinned to your sleeves, or being made to wear your house key round your neck. It doesn’t actually read “Boris Johnson” anywhere on the jacket. Just prime minister.
That’s a relief. We can just take it back and use it for the next person. It’s unlikely Johnson will give it up without a fight.
Good point. Anyway, I’ll bet the MoD have whole racks of them made up ahead of time. They may well need them in the coming months.
What else did Johnson do during his visit to Faslane? He strode about trying to look purposeful, chatted to some submariners and directly contradicted statements made by his own ministers on Brexit.
A full morning, then. Frankly, I’m surprised anyone let that bumbling incompetent anywhere near a nuclear base. They had to, because he’s the prime minister.
Please stop saying that. The jacket doesn’t lie.
Do say: “For sale, one personalised Royal Navy jacket. Like new, some red wine staining on sleeve.”
Don’t say: “Sorry sir, we’re all out of the prime minister ones. We’ve got two that say ‘Catering Services’ and a mascot that’s been altered to fit a parrot. Have you tried having a look at the online gift shop?”
