Nineteen celebrities have been invited to play the ultimate psychological game of deception,” says a serious, sultry Claudia Winkleman after beckoning an owl to follow her in the atmospheric Scottish castle where The Celebrity Traitors is set.
“I’m here to win,” declares legendary actor Celia Imrie with appropriate gravity.
“I don’t know what beasts lie within me,” murmurs the formidable Stephen Fry sombrely.
“Let the games commence,” says national treasure Clare Balding, a steely glint in her eye.
“Oh my Gawwwd!” comes the unmistakable screech of comedian Alan Carr. It is the first sign – but far from the last – that the comedian is going to be one of the most ridiculous and unrivalled highlights of the new BBC One series, which takes the popular social deduction game and stuffs it with famous faces. “I’m going under the radar,” Carr insists early in the show, to peals of sceptical laughter from his fellow players. “No, I am!”
It is testament to the popularity of the original that the faces actually are famous. Unlike plenty of “celebrity” reality shows these days, when I might recognise one or two of the cast at most, here I’m gratified to realise that the majority of the contestants are familiar without having to resort to Google. Charlotte Church. Tom Daley. Kate Garraway. These names are mainstream enough that even those of us less plugged into the cultural zeitgeist can get invested.
The combination of an already winning format and genuinely beloved British talent all but guarantees the series will be a success. But the producers went one better when they not only cast Carr, but took the inspired decision to make the UK’s least subtle man a duplicitous backstabber.
“I want to be a traitor,” he tells Winkleman mischievously when they have their private tete-a-tete in the first episode – before immediately bursting into giggles at the very thought, covering his hands with his mouth, giddy as a schoolgirl caught in a lie. It is palpably, hilariously obvious that, if ever there were a man unsuited to the task of secret-keeper, it is Carr.
On the non-celeb version of the show, careful consideration seems to be given when choosing traitors – players are selected based on their ability to keep calm under pressure to ensure they won’t give the game away immediately. With the celebrity version, however, one can only assume they thought, “To hell with it,” and decided to play for laughs instead. I can only applaud them. It is a stroke of pure genius, destined to create televisual gold.
Carr is our perspiring, anxious representative on screen
Fellow traitors Jonathan Ross and singer/songwriter Cat Burns make total sense; he has the natural leadership qualities and charisma to steer the ship, she the cool, calculated strategic nous and ability to fade into the background unnoticed. Carr, OTT energy exuding from his every pore, is out of his depth from the moment Claudia taps him on the shoulder and seals his fate at the round table. Despite the blindfolds, Ross and Burns stay neutral when they get the signal; Carr can’t help but give a cheeky little grin and bite of the lip.
From that moment on, it is like watching yourself on TV. Not because we all have Carr’s natural flamboyance or camp, cackling charm, of course, but because he behaves how most of us actually would when faced with the gruelling task of fibbing in a high-pressure environment. For all that everyone seems to be convinced they would make an excellent traitor, the reality is that lying does not come naturally to the majority. And Carr is our perspiring, anxious representative on screen.
Very rarely has anyone, ever, in the course of human history, looked so suspicious. He touches his face and head on repeat like a nervous tic, and nervously laughs in a falsetto several octaves higher than usual. “I have a sweating problem and I can’t keep a secret,” he laments in a piece to camera, having realised within moments just how unqualified for the role of traitor he is. “My thing was to go under the radar and I think I’ve pole vaulted over it!”
The best part is Carr’s own awareness of his failings. Burns and Ross take the news that their first murder will happen in plain sight in their stride. “We’ve just got to stay really calm,” says Burns reassuringly. “We can do this!” encourages Ross. Carr stands, mouth agape, doubt almost tangibly emanating from him in waves. “I’m worse than Linda,” he confesses later, referencing the infamously obvious traitor from season three who incriminated herself within the very first episode.
Somehow, despite all of this, he manages to get through the first 70-minute episode without appearing to raise a single suspicion. Is it a miracle or simply a consequence of Carr being so damn likeable that nobody really wants to banish him? Given that Carr is the very best thing about an already superb show, I can only hope the other players keep pretending not to notice his strangled smiles and sweat-drenched forehead – at least for the first few round tables.
Celebrity Traitors 2025 live: Viewers braced for first major twist murder
Who are the first three Traitors on Celebrity Traitors?
Celebrity Traitors star makes huge error in first show challenge
‘We wanted nerds to fall in love’: Aimee Lou Wood on her new romcom Film Club
Rivals: How Jilly Cooper’s bonkbuster brought us the ultimate unexpected love story
Gilmore Girls at 25: Why we love Lorelai and Rory more than ever
