The carriage clock is wrapped and ready, the cups of lukewarm white wine are charged, and the paint is almost dry on the "Happy Retirement Fiddy" banner.
Last month, rapper 50 Cent announced his intention to retire should his third album, Curtis, be outsold by Kanye West's Graduation, both released last Tuesday. "If Kanye West sells more records than 50 Cent on September 11, I'll no longer write music," he insisted on hip hop website SOHH.com. "I'll write music and work with my other artists, but I won't put out any more solo albums."
The official US count will not be called until Wednesday, but yesterday, as it appeared that Graduation had indeed outsold Curtis quite handsomely, chalking up a British No 1 chart placing, Mr Cent's intentions remained unclear. However, few believe that the author of such works as In Da Club and Piggy Bank will genuinely quit recording.
Fiddy's is not the first Celebrity Empty Threat. In the world of rap alone, you may remember that in 2003 Jay-Z began the most half-arsed retirement in history, continuing to both tour and collaborate with several artists before finally admitting he was retiring from retirement in 2006.
And then there was Eminem, about whom retirement rumours circulated from 2005, but who eventually announced that he was merely taking a "break". Earlier this year, none other than 50 Cent stated that Eminem was working on a new album. Though, frankly, when did we ever believe 50 Cent?
But empty promises of this sort are not confined to rap stars. Prior to the 1997 election, several members of the glitterati announced their intention to leave the country if Labour got to power. Curiously, Frank Bruno failed to make good on his pledge, not to mention magician Paul Daniels and his wife, the Lovely Debbie McGee.
And then we have Lisa Scott-Lee. In 2005, the former member of Steps attempted to relaunch her career with the television series Totally Scott-Lee, a reality show that followed her bid to propel herself back into the charts with a single titled Electric. Scott-Lee pledged that if she didn't make the Top 10 she would retire. Electric reached No 13. You see, Fiddy, things could be a lot worse.
