It has happened. The BBC has finally opted to bring back the public vote for the Eurovision song contest. This Friday, Mel Giedroyc will host Eurovision: You Decide (BBC4, 7.30), a show that needs no further explanation, and today the six entries hoping to represent the UK have been revealed.
If you were expecting baking grannies, futuristic drag queens, monster masks or indeed a decent pop track, you’re in for disappointment. This year, the BBC seems to be steering us down a sweet and cheerful Eurovision road to nowhere.
But the fact that we are allowed to pick our entry is a Hardrock Halleluja moment for any British Eurovision fan. And the songs up for selection are better than last year’s tune (not that that was hard – sorry Electro Velvet).
Bianca – Shine a Little Light
Bianca is the only contestant with a Twitter following of more than four figures, and this bombastic ballad (complete with random reggae beat) was co-written by Leona Lewis and the man who co-wrote Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Credit where credit’s due. It could have done with a bit more zigazig-ah, but this tune is one to watch.
Leona Lewis eat your heart out: 6/10
Joe and Jake – You’re Not Alone
Joe and Jake are the Beeb’s shoddy attempt at One Direction: they met when they were contestants in Series 4 of The Voice. I reckon Europe will like this. If it’s accompanied by good stage production and sufficient puppy-dog-eyes-to-camera moments, then it’s a yes from me.
Nice, but not Harry Styles: 7/10.
Dulcima – When You Go
When I first heard the stripped back intro I thought, YES, there’s going to be a big drop and an Aviici-esque production here. No such luck. Instead we get an upbeat folk tune à la Latvia’s 2014 Cake to Bake that could do OK... ish. (Eurovision does like a bit of festival-feel ethno pop.) I can’t see it winning, though.
Kooky clap-along folk pop that could grow on you: 3/10
Matthew James – A Better Man
Old-school pop fans will enjoy this tune by 90s boy-band member Matthew James (formerly of Bad Boys Inc). A Better Man sounds like an unreleased Backstreet Boys album track, but it has a nice melody and even a bit of wah-wah electric guitar. It’s cute, although a little forgettable, and I’m not sure it’ll sway the Eurocrowd – or the new voting system.
It could be good – but only if they give him a Britney mic: 5/10
Darline – Until Tomorrow
Another middle-of-the-road pop song, which apparently is what the UK is all about. This sweet country song by Taylor Swift fans Abby and Cára lacks oomph, but with the right stagecraft it could be a contender.
Earworm alert: 6/10
Karl William Lund – Miracle
A contemporary pop song performed by a good-looking bloke? It’s not as if it hasn’t worked before. Miracle manages to merge Will Young with Olly Murs, which means it has a certain yawn-factor, but could be the entry to bring us back into the competition.
Promising: 7/10
Conclusion
Wogan’s mocking of the competition may have ruined the chance of a well-established British act ever coming forward. Or, as my friend put it after seeing the entries: “Why does the BBC think Europe wants country and western/ Mumford and Sons?” I guess it’s better than Potato Waffles, though.
