Name: The next prime minister.
Age: Unknown.
Appearance: A wavy silhouette drifting in and out of focus, like an apparition in a crystal ball.
Can you tell who it is yet? The image is still unclear – at this point it could be almost anyone.
Does it look anything like John Redwood? No.
Phew! Who are the most likely contenders? Well, Boris Johnson is certainly in the frame, after he wrote an article expounding a Brexit policy sharply at odds with Theresa May’s.
Is he the favourite? He led the pack of actual politicians in a Mail on Sunday poll, although “None of the Above/Don’t Know” was the real winner, scoring 51% to BoJo’s 19%.
What about whatsisname, the ghost of Christmas past? If you’re referring to Jacob Rees-Mogg, he came second in the MoS poll, followed by Philip Hammond, David Davis, and Amber Rudd.
Safest pairs of hands to the rear, I see. We live in weird times.
I thought Michael Gove had been plotting again as well? His on-again/off-again reconciliation with Johnson suggests something’s afoot, but he’s currently bottom of the poll, with just 2%.
Any rival prognosticators out there? David Cameron is reported to have suggested that a man in his 70s could become the next PM, predicting an eventual election showdown between Jeremy Corbyn, David Davis (both 68) and Vince Cable (74).
Does anyone really think Vince Cable could be the next PM? Vince Cable does. “Given the alternatives, I think that’s plausible,” he said.
When is this all supposed to happen? I need to get down to Ladbrokes. That’s a good question. The next election is scheduled for 2022, but the slim Tory majority and party splits over Brexit make Theresa May’s leadership look increasingly fragile.
Has she got anything going for her at this point? The sorry state of the competition, mostly.
So we have no idea who the next PM will be, or when. None.
Should I just shake my Magic 8 ball and hope for the best? There isn’t really a “best”, so to speak, but by all means shake away.
Do say: “Ask again later.”
Don’t say: “Outlook not so good.”
