Who said it: the Robert Jenrick memo or David Brent?

Was it the Brentmeister (left) or Robert Jenrick? Composite: BBC and PA

The fallout from Robert Jenrick’s abrupt and chaotic defection from the Conservatives to Reform UK on Thursday continued over the weekend, with the leaking of a memo prepared by his aides for how he should face the press after the event.

The six-page document coaches Jenrick on how to answer some potentially tricky questions. While it reflects the character of the man himself, it also somehow manages to channel the spirit of David Brent, the character created by Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais, and played by Gervais in the original UK version of The Office, which aired from 2001 to 2003.

With that in mind, your challenge is to decide whether the following nuggets of wisdom come from the office of a senior Conservative defector – or from the philosophical musings of the self-styled “friend first, boss second. Probably entertainer third” at Wernham Hogg in Slough.

Who said it: the Jenrick memo or David Brent?

1. "Don't 'think'. You 'know' things to be true! Get out of the habit of saying 'think'"

   1. The Jenrick memo

   2. David Brent

2. "That's the way – not orthodox, I don't live by 'the rules'"

   1. The Jenrick memo

   2. David Brent

3. "Team playing? I call it team individuality"

   1. The Jenrick memo

   2. David Brent

4. "Use humour – one of your best skills – don't be afraid to be self-effacing or have a laugh."

   1. The Jenrick memo

   2. David Brent

5. "A philosopher once wrote you need three things to have a good life. And it was always that third one that stressed me, to make a difference. And I realise that I do."

   1. The Jenrick memo

   2. David Brent

   3. Someone else

6. Which of these is an accurate quote from either David Brent or the Robert Jenrick memo?

   1. "Last time I checked I was top of the most entertaining managers league table so I seemed to be doing all right"

   2. "Last time I checked I was top of the brilliant Conservative Home shadow cabinet league table so I seemed to be doing all right"

7. "You're the new sheriff in town."

   1. Robert Jenrick's office to Robert Jenrick

   2. David Brent to Neil Godwin

8. "Trust people and they'll be true to you. Treat them greatly, and they will show themselves to be great."

   1. The Jenrick memo

   2. David Brent

9. "Has a joint found its way into his usual pack of Marlboro Gold?"

   1. Robert Jenrick

   2. David Brent

   3. Someone else

10. "I'm here to be part of the team"

    1. The Jenrick memo

    2. David Brent

    3. Neither

11. "I'd be lying if I said my life had turned out exactly as I'd expected"

    1. The Jenrick memo

    2. David Brent

    3. Someone else

12. "[He] is a fraud. I’ve always thought so, this quote proves it."

    1. Robert Jenrick

    2. David Brent

    3. Someone else

13. "Be demonstrative (in particular hands), slow down, use your vocal range and stress words"

    1. The Jenrick memo

    2. David Brent

    3. Someone else

14. "If I crash land in the jungle can I survive by eating my own shoes?"

    1. The Jenrick memo

    2. David Brent

    3. Someone else

15. "I don't look upon this like it's the end, I look upon it like it's moving on you know. It's almost like my work here's done."

    1. The Jenrick memo

    2. David Brent

16. "You're the biggest defection story Reform has ever had (and likely ever will be), the most popular Tory shadow cabinet member, leader-in-waiting if Kemi ever falls, and the most dynamic politician in the Conservative party."

    1. The Jenrick memo

    2. That guy who works down the chip shop and swears he's Elvis

Solutions

1:A - Jenrick was being urged to be more definitive when facing the press., 2:B - That was Brent trying to prove his mould-breaking rock’n’roll credentials., 3:B - There is, famously, no I in team – but several Is in ‘quit in a fit of pique over the doomed and costly Rwanda plan’, as Jenrick once did under Rishi Sunak., 4:A - Jenrick’s memo went on to say it was even OK to make a joke of some policy-related questions. You can insert your own punchline about his policy ideas here., 5:B - That was Brent, deep in one of his philosophical monologues., 6:B - Yes, Jenrick’s office actually went there and prepared that quote., 7:A - Calm down, people. Calm down., 8:B - That actually … makes sense?, 9:A - This was Robert Jenrick … talking about Reform UK leader Nigel Farage. Hashtag awkward., 10:A - The famously unambitious Jenrick was to pitch himself as playing second fiddle to Nigel Farage in the memo, which at one point says: ‘I thought I’d have got away from leadership questions! Look, if there’s any place in politics that isn’t a relevant question, then it’s here – Nigel’s the leader. I’m here to help him.’, 11:C - That was Dawn, reflecting that one of the girls she went to school with – who used to eat chalk – is now more successful than she is. Jenrick’s position on chalk-eating has never been made public, although he did once have some murals covered over at an immigration centre, deeming them ‘too welcoming’., 12:C - This was Reform UK leader Nigel Farage talking about … Robert Jenrick. Hashtag double awkward., 13:A - Rumours that Jenrick has a separate memo reminding him to breathe, blink and put one foot in front of the other when walking are unconfirmed., 14:C - Yes, this was Tim talking to Gareth, trying to picture what might be in Gareth's mind., 15:B - That was one of Brent’s lines., 16:A - So, there’s that …

Scores

1. 14 and above.

   Great effort. A job in a Westminster office surely awaits you …

2. 0 and above.

   It seems like you can't tell your politics from your sitcoms

3. 9 and above.

   A decent effort. You can spot your platitudes from your presentational directions