Don’t mention the war. Realising her repeated claims that the Tories were the only party capable of delivering Brexit were sounding increasingly absurd, Theresa May has adopted a new tactic for the European elections. Pretend they aren’t happening. No manifesto, no campaigning, no votes. That way you can insist your abject humiliation was in fact a massive strategic success.
It’s a strategy from which Labour appeared keen to borrow at the EU election manifesto launch at the University of Kent’s Medway campus in Chatham. If not entirely slavishly. Rather, just a bit of airbrushing here and a spot of rewriting history there.
After Jeremy Corbyn’s arrival had been greeted with a standing ovation from a sizeable crowd that had turned up for the occasion, Jayne Maxwell, one of Labour’s prospective MEPs in Scotland – presumably all the candidates in the south-east had reckoned their chances might be improved by not being seen in public with the Labour leader – set the tone. Labour was on a roll, she said. And she knew this because the party had made massive gains in last week’s local elections. No one had bothered to tell her Labour had actually lost more than 60 seats.
Introductions over, Corbyn took the stage. He began at a barely audible burble, doing his best to mention the B word as infrequently as possible. It was very regrettable the EU elections were taking place, mumble, mumble, it was all the fault of the Conservatives that they were, mumble, mumble, the Conservatives should have come up with a better B word plan, mumble, mumble, it was proving impossible to engage in serious cross-party talks with a government that refused to move its red lines and was in a state of disintegration. Mumble, mumble.
Labour had a very clear B-word plan. It was to keep things as ambiguous as possible. To sound as if it had something to offer both leavers and remainers, while actually being a Brexit party at heart. Here was the deal. Labour was committed to honouring the result of the referendum provided its as yet unspecified demands for a B-word deal were met. And if they weren’t, then Labour would demand a general election. And if that wasn’t possible, then he would consider the option – only the option, mind, so no promises – of a second referendum.
The mention of a second referendum drew the first applause of the speech. Partly because all the Labour supporters in the room were keen to hear anything that could give them a smidgeon of hope that their party might be offering them a way out of Brexit. But mainly because this was the first time that Corbyn had ever managed to say “second referendum” without choking on the words. It’s been a slow process of elocution lessons for the Labour leader, and Corbyn seemed genuinely appreciative of the response. With practice, he could even begin to sound sincere when he said “second referendum” over the coming weeks of the election campaign.
With the necessary B-word formalities over – he’d tried and failed to come up with a way of talking about the EU elections without mentioning Brexit – Corbyn really began to hit his stride. It was like this, he insisted. Everyone should do their best to forget about the B word and instead pretend that the EU elections were really just a general election. Then everyone could forget the tricky stuff about whether they wanted to leave or remain in the EU. Those sorts of binary choices were just so 2016. It was time to be more Brexit-fluid.
“For the many, not the few,” he said, by now totally enthused. The old ones are – the old ones. This could have been the Corbyn of the 2017 campaign trail, rather than the dozy bloke who can barely read out the questions that have been written for him every Wednesday at PMQs. On he went with his greatest hits. More money for the NHS. Climate change. Improving workers’ rights. Bosses and bankers, BOO!
This all went down a storm and he ended with a quick swipe at the Brexit party. Nigel Farage was just a racist no-deal opportunist with no real policies. And a conspiracy theorist. Corbyn had enough of that with his brother Piers. It was telling he didn’t even bother to trash-talk the Tories. No point. They had long since had nothing to offer their own supporters, let alone the rest of the country. They were history. Toast. So why waste his breath?
For an encore, Corbyn returned to the option – he still wasn’t going to let anyone forget it was only an option – of a second referendum. If by some mischance, there was a second referendum – and only the tarot cards knew what the questions on it might be – then it would definitely be “a healing process”. See me, feel me, touch me. The bearded messiah was back in business.
