If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a noise? And if a news event occurs and a celebrity doesn't express an opinion on it, did it actually happen? The tree question is, clearly, of no interest to anyone (tree, schmee – push off, eco dorks), but the celebrity issue needs addressing, as proven by the thousands who, bafflingly, complained when celebrities such as, say, Paloma Faith were drafted in by the BBC to comment on the diamond jubilee as opposed to, say, anyone with any expertise on the subject. Clearly these complainers missed the BBC's gripping coverage of the 2010 election when Bruce Forsyth was hauled in to give his thoughts. The media think the public is desperate to know the thoughts of celebrities. The public is desperate for the media to stop thinking that Heat magazine represents their mindset. Which brings us to Cheryl Cole, Britain's very own Paul Krugman, Dan Savage and Bernard-Henri Lévy in one photogenic package. That she manages to respond to all those requests from Britain's media begging for her thoughts on various issues while simultaneously churning out Europap under the talented eye of Will.i.am is just one of the reasons why this pretty but bland woman is, so I'm told, "Britain's sweetheart".
On Wednesday alone, two British newspapers breathlessly recorded Cheryl's thoughts on taxation ("The whole idea of putting tax on [pasties] is about taking money out of the pockets of people who can't afford it") and gay marriage ("Why should the fact you're attracted to the same sex make that any different?") And to think, some fans have protested at the idea of Cheryl charging £350 for the chance to meet her. Would you protest at paying to meet Yoda, Gandhi and Confucius rolled into one? I think I've made my point.
