I hope that Harriet Harman doesn’t park her pink minibus outside my house, letting all my neighbours know that I am indoors having a “Woman to Woman” chat, as surely as the Dyno-Rod van broadcasts a sewage spillage. The bus is an obvious misjudgment – it looks as if it’s distributing free tampons – and perhaps Harman knows this, and that’s why she has spared its occupants’ blushes by painting all the windows pink, too. Battle buses are a familiar feature of election campaigns, but this also creates jeopardy: too familiar and the tone can fall flat. These buses are a metaphor on wheels – get on board with us, people! – which means that it’s really easy to see when things aren’t working: no one’s on board. Here are some buses that should give politicians pause for thought.
The Prescott Express
Most recently taken by the former deputy prime minister to Scotland to campaign against independence, this vehicle shows the dangers of letting one personality drive the bus. (See also the excellent children’s book, Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus.) Inevitably, Prescott was pictured at the wheel of his own bus, to prove that he is not one of life’s idle passengers.
Matchy-matchy Davids
As joint-leaders of the SDP-Liberal Alliance, comically sharing the same first name, Davids Steel and Owen already had an identity problem. Which one was in charge? Which David was which? Why was the party hyphenated? To confront the issue, they toured the country in matching, yet subtly different, buses. Both were yellow – suggesting unity – but Owen called his “David Owen’s Campaign Bus” while Steel called his “David Steel’s Battle Bus”. You can see the problem. They delivered on the promise of divergence by contradicting each other at every stop.
The open-top bus
The choice of George Galloway’s Respect in 2012 and Ukip in 2008, this is the fun bus for people looking for a minibreak from mainstream politics. These parties have opted to suggest blue-sky thinking by removing the roof of their vehicle. The message is: “We’re the fun bus. Climb on, and if it rains, at least we’ll all know we’re in England!”
Armour-plating
Sometimes a campaign vehicle says too much battle, not enough bus. Take Barack Obama’s 2011 tour in “Bus Force One”. Will voters be swayed by an advertisement of world insecurity?
First-name terms
Avoid. “Forward with Maggie” (Thatcher). “Better Off With Ken” (Livingstone). “Vote Will” (OK, that one was Pop Idol). Often the destination board at the front says something comical such as “Ken’s”, which only alerts voters to the fact that they are essentially boarding one politician’s ego trip.
