The one where Monica goes to England and finds she’s related to the Queen. Or should be the Queen, maybe. Courteney Cox would take either. At home in California, she jokes: “I hope I’m from Buckingham Palace.” Pronounced the American way: Bucking Ham Palace. She also hopes that her ancestors made a mark, though maybe not by murdering anyone. Let’s see …
Going up her mum’s side there’s a bit of light incest but nothing too serious, and she’s related to a lot of people in Virginia. Never mind them, though, who was the first to come to the US? I don’t think Courteney is Native American is she? No, here’s Thomas Ligon (1623-1675), Courteney’s great x nine grandfather, who came to Virginia from War Wickshire, England. She’s one of us.
So she’s on a plane to the old country to meet Nick the genial genealogist, the first of several scholarly British chaps who spend their lives deep in dusty old records and are clearly rather excited to have Monica from Friends in the house. He rolls out some extra charm and attentiveness, helps with the Latin and a bit of gentle pronunciation correction: Berkeley (as in Central Park not Central Perk).
That’s a name in Courteney’s family that gets Nick excited because it’s an aristocratic name. Courteney’s excited, too. “Wow, I like it,” she says.
Then it’s off to the family pile, Berkeley Castle in Gloucestershire – a proper one “with a moat and those little windows where you can kill people”, Courteney confirms. It was built by Thomas de Berkeley, Courteney’s great x 18 grandfather. From there it all goes a bit Danny Dyer, without question the greatest WDYTYA of all time. Thomas de Berkeley held Edward II prisoner here, in 1327. And a great x 19 grandfather of Courteney’s, Roger Mortimer, was effectively ruling the country, as well as shagging the king’s missus, Queen Isabella.
Edward was killed, possibly suffocated, although one account has a hollow instrument thrust into his fundament. Youch. “Why not just suffocate him?” asks Courteney. Where’s the fun in that?
Whodunnit? Almost certainly one of her rellies, possibly both. Later they would be tried in Westminster. Well “tried”; Roger was bound and gagged, so he couldn’t say anything, his guilt already decided, then drawn and hanged. Thomas de B was acquitted, luckily, or Friends wouldn’t have happened the way we know it and Cougar Town probably wouldn’t have happened at all, not that the latter would matter much.
Oh, and this other chap in this picture here, being put to a very unpleasant death, his privates chopped off and tossed into the fire? That’s Hugh Despenser, another great x 18 grandfather, executed on the orders of Roger Mortimer.
Cox hoped her ancestors made a mark, although maybe not by murdering anyone, remember? Well, they didn’t just murder anyone, they murdered the king, and each other. Then they married each other and ran the country. I think it’s safe to say they made a mark. “You think they make that stuff up in Game of Thrones but they really don’t,” says Courteney. “We were doing it right there with the old great grandparents.”
It might not attain Danny Dyer levels of hilarity, because Courteney Cox doesn’t get so carried away with her meteoric rise through the strata of English society, but she is entertaining and amusing in a more understated way. “Thank you, Parliament,” she says, on realising that Thomas de Berkeley’s acquittal also clears her to exist.
As Danny D found out, once you’re in it’s not hard to go higher still. Or once you’ve found a genealogist who can get you into these kinds of levels of society, it’s not hard to find another who can take you back a little further to get you to the top. That’s where Courteney’s headed. At the College of Arms she meets her great x 20 grandfather, Edward I. From there it’s easy: great x 25 grandfather: Henry I. So her great x 26 grandfather is William the Bastard.
You could point out that Courteney Cox has many great x 26 grandparents (268,435,456, I think, although of course some of them must be the same person, as that’s roughly the population of the world in 1066). So one of them is bound to be if not William I then at least someone. Or, going the other way, he has a hell of a lot of direct descendants. But that would make you a spoilsport. This is the one where Monica goes to London and finds out she’s William the Conquerer’s great x 26 granddaughter. And the only downside is that it also means ... she’s Danny Dyer’s cousin.
