Well of course Mummy is desperate to know but tbh I am not exactly sure which Russian bought me at the summer ball? Not to be ungrateful but there were just so many Russians wanting to show their love for Dave, and at least three of them had swastika tattoos? So I THINK it might have been the salt mine one unless it was the one who was Mr Putin's number one chest depilator until his hand accidentally got stuck in the wax warmer, Dave is like literally who cares so long as they bring their chequebooks, but Mummy is like, seriously darling, when someone wants to pay three million for my daughter to be his slave for a day I really think the least someone could do is find out what the kind Russian gentleman is called, btw, with my Oka hat on, do you think he might be interested in our luxury Chekhov range, all soft-furnishings guaranteed bloodstain-resistant for a minimum 10 years?
I'm like, God, well I THINK it was Tolya unless it was Kolya or Kleptya anyways, after he outbid the man with one eye he said I should call him Little Father, *quite* flattering when you think the basement planning permission could only raise two million even when they threw in citizenship & an equestrian statue in Sloane Square, and when Oik offered to crawl around in a loincloth licking the skirting boards, the most anyone would bid was £25,000, and then only if he kept his clothes on?
Except now there are these endless calls from Little Father going do not forget Samchik, exchange gifts is old-style Russian custom, Mrs Little Father she collect internal No 10 phone directories, is only missing 2014, I'm like, OK, he's like, in return you bring Mr David's mobile phonsky, we download traditional Russian homosexual detector, special present from Mr Putin, I'm like, actually Little Father no offence but this is actually getting quite complicated for a party donation? He's like, you know what happen to last person to say that, I'm like no, he's like, poor Little Father had to shoot him in the head, I'm like WHAT, he's like only joking Samchik forgive Russian sense of humour !!!
