Which First Dog on the Moon creature are you? Take the test in our festive special!

1. 

   This is Ian the Climate Denialist Potato and his mum, Irene. What are they doing in this picture?

   1. Taking the pledge at the weekly meeting of the Greg Hunt Enthusiasts Association

      Add a point in D

   2. Singing the national anthem

      Add a point in C

   3. In an amazing coincidence they are simultaneously wondering if the churros they had at lunch is giving them indigestion or perhaps it is a myocardial infarction

      Add a point in E

   4. Pledging allegiance to Isis

      Add a point in B

2. Which one of these is the biggest racist?

   1. 

      Option 1

      Add a point in D

   2. 

      Option 2

      Add a point in C

   3. 

      Option 3

      Add a point in B

   4. 

      Option 4

      Add a point in A

3. 

   Who is not denouncey enough?

   1. Muslims! Isis are just running about willy nilly but the vast majority of Muslims are not condemning them 24 hours a day on TV what is going on!

      Add a point in B

   2. Leftists! Liberal feminist nanny state interventionist political correctness is destroying the economy for decent working families yet elite progressives sit on their thumbs twiddling their goats' cheese

      Add a point in C

   3. Conservative commentators! These days Alt-right Nazi White Supremacist Nazis are pretty much everywhere and who are the right complaining about? The ABC. And not ABC Nazis either, just the ABC. Conservative commentators are not really complaining about Nazis. Think about that. (This is actually the correct answer)

      Add a point in F

   4. The internet. Why isn't the internet condemning the internet for not spending all of its time condemning the bits of the internet that don't agree with the bits of the internet it does agree with? Why?

      Add a point in A

4. 

   True or false?

   1. True

      Add a point in D

   2. False

      Add a point in E

5. 

   Obviously it is not about honours and accolades, but how many Walkley awards has First Dog on the Moon won?

   1. 1

      Add a point in A

   2. Not enough

      Add a point in D

   3. Too many

      Add a point in B

   4. All of them

      Add a point in F

   5. More than Jon Kudelka

      Add a point in E

6. 

   Who isn't checking their privilege?

   1. A and B

      Add a point in A

   2. C and D

      Add a point in C

   3. All of the above except C

      Add a point in D

   4. C

      Add a point in B

   5. Santa that bastard

      Add a point in E

7. Climate change is ...

   1. 

      planning to kill us all

      Add a point in D

   2. 

      a hoax designed to advance the United Nation's One World Greens Kalephate

      Add a point in B

   3. 

      going to be here in about 20 minutes

      Add a point in A

   4. 

      Ahahaha ahahaha ahahah aha ah hah

      Add a point in F

8. Which of these statements about eggplant (Solanum melongena) is true:

   1. 

      Option 1

      Add a point in E

   2. 

      Option 2

      Add a point in C

   3. 

      Option 3

      Add a point in F

   4. 

      Option 4

      Add a point in A

9. 

   The Orange-Bellied Parrot is one of Australia's most endangered birds – there are only 14 left in the wild! Help the Difficult Bird Research Group save them by counting the birds you see in this picture.

   1. 14

      Add a point in C

   2. Less than 14

      Add a point in A

   3. More than Jon Kudelka

      Add a point in F

   4. I just see another greenie “science” scam designed to funnel taxpayer dollars to beardy bird academics and their meth-addicted pet budgies. Disgraceful

      Add a point in E

   5. I'm livid Ray I'm absolutely livid!

      Add a point in B

10. 

    What is the most likely scenario to occur between these four people?

    1. After Helvetica asked a slightly contentious question on Q&A, Clancy sent photographers to pap Helvetica’s children. [Redacty] accessed Helvetica's phone records without a warrant and Milad missed the whole thing

       Add a point in D

    2. Milad got food poisoning from the rancid chicken they sometimes serve on Manus. Helvetica shared a Facebook post she saw about it. Clancy commissioned a comment piece on the fancy tax payer funded gourmet meals available on Manus Island like “Zebra Chicken”. [Redacty] accessed everyone’s phone records without a warrant

       Add a point in A

    3. Helvetica attended a rally demanding the release of Milad, at the same time Clancy railed against Milad and his ilk in a lengthy and really quite racist editorial. [Redacty] thought about putting Helvetica in the van but decided not to after going through her extremely boring phone records without a warrant

       Add a point in F

    4. Milad is a cunning and extremely patient terrorist who has been lurking on Manus for three years waiting for his chance to strike even though he could have requested to go home at any point. Helvetica is a cowardly leftist Islamist appeaser and Clancy is a champion of free speech. [Redacty] knows all this because he accessed everyone’s phone records without a warrant

       Add a point in C

Buckets

1. Fiona the Unemployed Bettong

   You have reached the Centrelink Newstart Help Line. Please hold, your expected wait time is over an hour. Ensure you have all relevant documentation ready at hand and be aware that failure meet your mutual obligation requirements may result in your income support payment being suspended or cancelled.

2. Pancetta Mandibles

   You think fondly of the golden age of Australia before all these uppity foreigners got here but also after white people came here and rescued the nation from what would become the Aboriginal Industry. The Gaystapo Greens Muslimista axis of Evil is keeping our nation from greatness and also you in a job as a not actually very bright News Corp Columnist.

3. A Racist Carrot

   Your hobbies are dusting your collection of gollywogs and wedgewood kkk figurines while scouring the internet for people who need to have reverse racism explained to them also Islam isn’t a race is it so how can it be racist to hate them just because they are all brown people? Some of your best friends are people who have met, even spoken to Muslims.

4. Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin

   You are Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin! Congratulations you are a social justice seabird! Keep on sticking it to the man and the leopard sealocracy. Pilchards for all! Remember there is no parliamentary road to socialism comrade.

5. Ian the Climate Denialist Potato

   You believe that children are our future. Show them all that climate change isn’t the greatest moral challenge facing the world it’s a giant hoax! It’s a Greenist United Nations One World Islamist Axis of Evil chemtrail caliphate conspiracy! Wake up sheeple! Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams and neither can the Bureau of Meteorology! You should know, you work as an adviser to the Minister for the Environment.

6. ABC Interpretive Dance Bandicoot

   Shuffle shuffle stamp stamp plie plie tappity tippity tappity lunge twist turn glissade grand jete thump! Fin! bravo bravo clap clap clap clap

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