Paul Coughlin is unsure of the right adjective to describe his emotions over missing so much of the last two seasons through injury.
The all-rounder was meant to be a key cog in the Nottinghamshire team when he signed from Durham, but he missed almost all of last summer with a dislocated shoulder, while hand and hamstring injuries have restricted him to just four appearances this season.
However, the England Lions man is fit again and his status as one of the most dynamic and athletic players at the club has earned him a place in the 15-man squad at Vitality Blast Finals Day.
"I don't know what the right word for the feeling of not playing is. Every cricketer knows that feeling of what it's like when you're not out there for a long period of time," he said when asked if there was an element of guilt despite his helpless situation.
"Everyone knows that when you aren't out there, in your head you're saying 'could I have made a difference?'.
"No one knows the answer to that quesiton. You can't look too much into it, you just have to be excited for that chance when it does come."
The 26-year-old does not believe his time at Trent Bridge is cursed, joking that he has not had many injuries, but when he has they have been bad.
"I wouldn't say I'm cursed. It's just been freak accidents. When I've had an injury, I've made a good job of it," he said during the County Championship game against Warwickshire.
"I've been backed up so well by everyone around the club and I'm very thankful for that.
"It's fabulous to get back out on the park. It's been a long road and I've had a lot of help from people on and off the field.
"It's just really exciting every time I play at the minute. I can't be more pleased than just being back.
"I've said before, being away from home is hard in that situation of being injured.
"I've spent a lot of time around the squad though. I travelled with them and just helped out really.
"Just being around the guys was a big thing for me while I was out."
So what of Finals Day? Coughlin has not featured at all inT20 cricket for Notts this season, so he is not expecting to play at against Worcestershire at Edgbaston, even if he would welcome the chance.
"I tend to take it day by day. I've not been a part of the tournament with injuries," he said.
"You can't expect anything because of that but obviously it would be nice. If I'm not playing then I'll be supporting the lads."
