Well, firstly I'd just like to say how proud I am to be here today. I'd like to thank my editor, Clare, my mother, and my stylist, and God, obviously. And also Krishna, my dog. And the academy, and all the troops out there fighting for all our freedom and... what? We're out of time? Look, let me just say, there are dark places, and we've all been in them, and if this blogpost means as much to the people presenting this award as it does to me, then we're all, just, just, just happy bunnies together in the Kingdom of heaven, aren't we? That is all. Thank you. Thanks. Good night. Oh! Shit! And my agent!
Sorry, I didn't have anything prepared. And I think that's a lesson we can all learn from. The Oscars are only days away and yes, although most of us admittedly may not have been nominated for much this time around, the time will come when we will, and I don't think we want to be caught with our pants down when that happens, do we? I mean, it's not without enormous effort and practice that Jamie Foxx came out with:
"It was so much love that was hidden underneath the bottom of the earth in America and all over the world for Ray Charles. We cracked it open with this movie and now it's spilling out everywhere."
And do you really think that "You like me, right now, YOU LIKE ME!" from Sally Field in 1985 was a spur of the moment proclamation? Months of work, it was. Months of work.
So that's what I've been brought here today to ask you. To be prepared for that glorious moment that we will all, surely, one day experience, we need to plan our acceptance speeches in advance, we think.
So here. I am giving you an award, it is from 'the academy'. For, um, you know, you being GREAT and that. Please accept it gracefully - and give us your acceptance speech.
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