Well everything is basically *quite* tense as in the bad news does not stop, I said to Dave, you will not believe this, Mummy says the small clutch is dead, he's like no way I'm like, trust me & the world has gone mad for Anya's supermarket totes? Dave's like, well if you think that is bad, the tennis woman rang to fix the match with Boris, I told her, excuse me Madam Whatervsky, don't you know there is a war on, she was like, that is precisely why you MUST play for me Mr Cameron :(((
I'm like, well at least the tennis pays, FYI the Cara backpack is huge already *weeps*. He's like, well you will not believe what that idiot Carswell has done now, I'm like, whatever, you always said he was a chippy little squit, btw do we know a Christopher Kelly, he's like, no, I'm like, how funny, nor does Craig, Dave's like, tbh I am more bothered about Scotland? I'm like, SERIOUSLY, you always said it was a chippy little country he's like, so is Wales, it does not mean I am giving it away, I'm like, do not worry, Helena Bonham Carter has promised to talk to them so you have time for tennis practice & Iraq, appaz it does not look good, Boris never stops taunting you & the Johnsons have already encircled Uxbridge?
Dave's like *masterful voice* OK, where is Lynton, Mr Cobber is like *shouting from bathroom* in here on the dunny mate, no now is good, welcome to Lynton's Operation Mighty Leader, take this down Sabrina (1) Dave announces curfew (2) ditto national service (3) ditto internment camps for conscientious objectors & any travellers found carrying toilet paper or Nutella (4) we wheel out Dave's mighty leader scowl (5) everybody forgets about Ukip/Putin/Iraq/Boris/Scotland (6) you sign Lynton's worksheet, total TBC. Dave's like, wow, just wow – Lynton you genius you have totes nailed it.
I'm like *puts on Shami Chakrabarti face* no offence Mr Cobber but I went to art college, are you sure Dave will be allowed to do all that? Mr Cobber is like, can't hear you sweetheart, I'm like *shouting over flushing noise* won't Cleggsy go MAD, he's like, & your point is?
