Britain thinks dogs have the most talent
Europe’s finest tune had been downloaded (“It’s the final countdown …”), acres of billowing fabric had been sourced for Amanda and Alesha’s dresses, and David Walliams had borrowed Noel Coward’s smoking jacket. The stakes were high for the final of Britain’s Got Talent (Sunday, ITV). But with all the acts begging and pleading for the top prize, a burly member of Siberian dance group UDI bust out his trump card: “I grew up in an orphanage.” Boom. Beat that.
The final seemed marginally less irritating than the rest of this series, but that could have been because of the relief of it being the last one. The most entertaining bit was watching Dara O’Briain’s Twitter feed (the impressionist Danny Posthill picked him as a target): “I think the nine-year-old ninja captured my essence better.” Finally, after a Flatley-goes-Elvis interlude, the bloody dog won. Of course the bloody dog won.
There is such a thing as the award for sexiest vegetarian
A great array of guests on The Graham Norton Show (Friday, BBC1): Florence (of Machine fame), Chris “Guardians of the Galaxy” Pratt, John Bishop (of whom more in a moment), Melissa McCarthy, Jude Law – but most importantly, Graham’s ever-increasing beard, taking up the space of three guests. Norton’s show specialises in the kind of randomness that would not work on any other show. It turns out Jude Law and John Bishop have both won the award for sexiest vegetarian. Chris Pratt’s wife loves Towie and watched it while he was filming Guardians of the Galaxy in London, and now he can do a perfect Essex accent. Melissa McCarthy aced her audition for Bridesmaids by telling an eight-minute story about having sex with a dolphin.
There are not very many chatshow hosts who could make an entire show out of movie clips and actors’ head shots. But Norton does it effortlessly. They all want to be there (not true of all chatshows) and, crucially, we all want to be there. Masterclass.
Wolves could solve the UK’s 3m-strong deer problem
Hmm. I don’t want to put Room 101 in Room 101, but … (Friday, BBC2). Tonight’s guests: Alex Jones (the Welsh lady from The One Show), presenter extraordinaire Clive Anderson and comedian Jack Whitehall, hosted by Frank Skinner. With the mix of anecdotes, jokes and video clips, this show has become a strange beast. I enjoyed the seagull who stole the Doritos. And I agreed with Clive Anderson about the UK being overrun with deer. “We need a solution: wolves.”
But the pace doesn’t quite work. Is it because there is no one to argue against the panel’s objects of hatred? Why are people so scared of debate or being told that they’re wrong? It’s Skinner who saves most of this: “We’ve all stolen foods from a mini-market. But we don’t eat them outside the shop.” “Jack Whitehall: you’re a glamp.” “There are films that I have seen 30 or 40 times but they’re not films we could show clips from on this programme.”
Best bit? Clive Anderson talking about Jack Whitehall complaining about people sitting near him at restaurants where you share benches: “They might be very happy to see you. They might be thinking, “Ooh, look, it’s Jack Whitehall. I liked him in … I liked him in … Whatever you’ve been in.”
Variety is back and it’s not entirely terrible
I worried about the inclusion of a street dance contortionist act (which culminated, inevitably, in the emergence of a small silver-trousered child) at the start of the new John Bishop Show (Saturday, BBC1). Surely the last thing the BBC needs is a “me too” BGT, and there is a strong hint of this here. However, there were good signs too: seriously good standup, and filmed in a proper old-school venue, the Hackney Empire. Paul Weller, Trevor Noah, James Acaster, Felicity Ward and Beardyman gave a glimpse of what could be a successful sort of 21st-century variety mash-up. Promising. Just lock up the silver-trousered child next time.
